Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Back Where I Belong
I'm tired tonight so I won't do a long post. Just a quick blog post to tell you how much I love being back in a school environment. Last week was four days of new teacher inservice and this week is jammed packed with inservice both at my school and then with the district foreign language department. Seven days from tomorrow, I'll be standing outside my classroom greeting students. I CANNOT WAIT. There is a ton of work to do from now until then to be ready (did I mention I agreed to be the Head of the Foreign Language Department at my school?!? No, well, yeah).
At least professionally, things are as they should be and I'm right where I belong.
At least professionally, things are as they should be and I'm right where I belong.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Finalized
As you can see from the photo below, I escaped the Texas heat this past weekend and traveled to California. I grew up in the East Bay and moved to Texas at the end of 7th grade. I've reconnected with some friends and was fortunate to be able to travel and stay with a friend. We did a little tourist stuff then visited the old neighborhood before spending the rest of the time with other old friends. I laughed hysterically for hours on end and smiled at old memories. It was exactly what I needed before my summer officially ended. Special thanks to Tom, Jeremy, Amy, Amber, and Adrienne for making it a wonderful trip. I will NOT lose touch again. XOXO
School started today for new teachers with inservice. That is a whole different blog post, but I'm happy to be back in education and a school environment.
But as I said, that's for another day.
Before I started work today, I got divorced yesterday.
I am officially divorced now. With changing the date of finalization to Tuesday instead of my original Monday, Tracey couldn't go with me due to an important appointment. Luckily, Deanna and my friend Melissa (who most of us lovingly refer to as Meli) were able to go with me. Meli picked me up and we went to get De on our way to the courthouse. I cannot tell you how much it helped me to have them to stand beside me during this process.
Standing in front of the judge and reading the "prove up statement" formally requesting my divorce and listing my children and information about our marriage was HORRIBLE.
I sobbed through it. You stand at the podium and read the statement exactly as it is written. All I had to do was fill in the blanks. I began to cry when I stated that we were married on June 5, 1999, and I cried as I continued through the document. De and Meli sat in the courtroom silently crying with me. The hardest part? The section that mentioned my children. My divorce decree was prepared (thank you to my mom who retyped all my chicken scratch notes to complete it for me) with only Maggie and Katie listed. This is because it pertained to child support and custody. However, the prove up statement was worded different. It read "There were ____ children born/adopted during the period of the marriage." Then it had blanks for childrens ages and names.
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Having only listed Maggie and Katie on the decree, I worried the judge would question me too much if I put Allie in the document. What if that affected my divorce being finalized. On the other hand, how could I possibly only list Maggie and Katie and say that two children were born during the marriage? THREE beautiful blue eyed babies were born. THREE wonderful, loving, sweet, precious baby girls enter our lives during that marriage.
In the end, I did end up stating that three children were born and listed Allie as deceased in the space for age. Yeah, try reading THAT out loud to the judge granting your divorce without crying. IMPOSSIBLE. I sobbed through it all and heard De and Meli's sniffles behind me. I choked as I read the final line of request that the judge grant me a divorce.
Two minutes after I stood in front of the judge, I was declared divorced.
16 years together, 12 years of marriage, 3 little girls, 2 houses, 2 apartments, 4 cruises, 5 trips to Europe, 2 major deaths, and COUNTLESS memories--it only took a judge less than two minutes to declare it all over.
I cried for hours yesterday off and on. The girls took me to breakfast afterwards. When I looked up to see Tracey and her boyfriend walk in, I collapsed into tears in her arms. The love and support I received from them was what I needed. That's not to mention the texts, emails, FB messages, and tweets I got from friends near and far sending their love. I was so loved and supported.
I know that some of you are wondering right now where Andrew was during all this. I know because others asked right away. He was not required to go to the courthouse. When I filed the initial petition for divorce, Andrew signed a waiver and had it notarized that he accepted the terms and things presented in the divorce paperwork. In an uncontested divorce, he didn't have to do anything further. That's ok for me. I had some control in my situation yesterday, something I haven't felt as though I've had since it all began. It was me handling this divorce in the timeframe that worked for me. That is good. He approved the divorce decree and we went through the terms of the decree together to make sure we had the best decisions made for our girls. The county requires by law that both of us take a court ordered parenting class for 4 hours about parenting in an divorce as effective co-parents (don't get me started about that). Both of us took the class and agreed that we are acting in the best interests of our daughters with everything we do.
So, I'm divorced. I've started a new job. I'm moving forward.
School started today for new teachers with inservice. That is a whole different blog post, but I'm happy to be back in education and a school environment.
But as I said, that's for another day.
Before I started work today, I got divorced yesterday.
I am officially divorced now. With changing the date of finalization to Tuesday instead of my original Monday, Tracey couldn't go with me due to an important appointment. Luckily, Deanna and my friend Melissa (who most of us lovingly refer to as Meli) were able to go with me. Meli picked me up and we went to get De on our way to the courthouse. I cannot tell you how much it helped me to have them to stand beside me during this process.
Standing in front of the judge and reading the "prove up statement" formally requesting my divorce and listing my children and information about our marriage was HORRIBLE.
I sobbed through it. You stand at the podium and read the statement exactly as it is written. All I had to do was fill in the blanks. I began to cry when I stated that we were married on June 5, 1999, and I cried as I continued through the document. De and Meli sat in the courtroom silently crying with me. The hardest part? The section that mentioned my children. My divorce decree was prepared (thank you to my mom who retyped all my chicken scratch notes to complete it for me) with only Maggie and Katie listed. This is because it pertained to child support and custody. However, the prove up statement was worded different. It read "There were ____ children born/adopted during the period of the marriage." Then it had blanks for childrens ages and names.
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Having only listed Maggie and Katie on the decree, I worried the judge would question me too much if I put Allie in the document. What if that affected my divorce being finalized. On the other hand, how could I possibly only list Maggie and Katie and say that two children were born during the marriage? THREE beautiful blue eyed babies were born. THREE wonderful, loving, sweet, precious baby girls enter our lives during that marriage.
In the end, I did end up stating that three children were born and listed Allie as deceased in the space for age. Yeah, try reading THAT out loud to the judge granting your divorce without crying. IMPOSSIBLE. I sobbed through it all and heard De and Meli's sniffles behind me. I choked as I read the final line of request that the judge grant me a divorce.
Two minutes after I stood in front of the judge, I was declared divorced.
16 years together, 12 years of marriage, 3 little girls, 2 houses, 2 apartments, 4 cruises, 5 trips to Europe, 2 major deaths, and COUNTLESS memories--it only took a judge less than two minutes to declare it all over.
I cried for hours yesterday off and on. The girls took me to breakfast afterwards. When I looked up to see Tracey and her boyfriend walk in, I collapsed into tears in her arms. The love and support I received from them was what I needed. That's not to mention the texts, emails, FB messages, and tweets I got from friends near and far sending their love. I was so loved and supported.
I know that some of you are wondering right now where Andrew was during all this. I know because others asked right away. He was not required to go to the courthouse. When I filed the initial petition for divorce, Andrew signed a waiver and had it notarized that he accepted the terms and things presented in the divorce paperwork. In an uncontested divorce, he didn't have to do anything further. That's ok for me. I had some control in my situation yesterday, something I haven't felt as though I've had since it all began. It was me handling this divorce in the timeframe that worked for me. That is good. He approved the divorce decree and we went through the terms of the decree together to make sure we had the best decisions made for our girls. The county requires by law that both of us take a court ordered parenting class for 4 hours about parenting in an divorce as effective co-parents (don't get me started about that). Both of us took the class and agreed that we are acting in the best interests of our daughters with everything we do.
So, I'm divorced. I've started a new job. I'm moving forward.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Random
Just a random blog post about various things in my head. I don't tend to get more than 4-6 of sleep (if that) a night these days, so I feel like my thoughts are all a bit jumbled.
Here goes....
Here goes....
- Crazy Katie turned 18 months this week! We call her the Wild Child now. She is truly INSANE. Sissy never stops moving and is a complete whirlwind around this house. She makes me and Maggie laugh hysterically with her antics. She's fearless and destructive. Life with Sissy is never boring!
- Maggie starts kindergarten next month. I can't believe my BABY is almost a kindergartner. Of course, because it is also my first day of school, I most likely will not be able to take her. Andrew will come to the house early to drive her to school. Katie will be going to a private preschool (where Maggie went until the end of May) that day as well. August 22nd will be a big day for all three of us!
- Speaking of going back to work, holy cow, I go back two weeks from tomorrow. Our summer has flown by and I'm almost a teacher again. I have a lot to do before then and really need to get cracking.
- Two days before that, I'll be divorced. I go to the courthouse on August 8th to finalize the divorce in front of the judge. Tracey has it marked on her calendar to take me, knowing full well I need someone by my side. The worst part about it is the "prove up statement" that has to be read. If you use a lawyer, he/she does it. If you don't, you have to read it to the judge. States when you married your spouse, when you ceased to live as a married couple, children's names, and says that the marriage is no longer supportable and you request the divorce. I highly doubt I will make it through that without sobbing.
- I miss camp and my camp friends. I am flying down for a meeting on Aug 6th to San Antonio and then hosting a pool party at my house later in the month with the Dallas/Ft. Worth folks (most of us them live in San Antonio and a few in Austin). I miss the great people that are involved with camp and the kids.
- I have the next two weekends off from my kids (5th weekends are split. He has them this one, I have them the next time there is a 5th weekend in October and then he always has them the 1st weekends of the month). I both love and hate these weekends. The breaks are nice and I keep myself busy and try to have some fun things planned. However, I miss them when they aren't here. It's hard to sleep in the house without them. This weekend is a bachelorette party for Deanna and a musical with my mom. Not sure about the day time activities (though I might just be recovering on Sat from the bachelorette party!). I'm very lucky to have great people in my life I can make plans with, like having dinner and a movie with Tracey tonight. They are my lifeline and I'm blessed.
If you're watching My Little Ponies, you of course need to have them with you!
This picture CRACKS ME UP. Sissy didn't want to be in the stroller (she needs to GO!) and Maggie isn't going to break her pose and smile
Wild Child in action
Fourth of July fun at Traceys--Amy, Tracey, me, and Deanna. Love them so much
Seriously wouldn't be surviving everything without Tracey
Me and Deanna on T's birthday before we went in to see a psychic! I need to remember to blog about that!
Sissy helped me unpack from camp
Maggie and I had a special Mama/Daughter Date just the two of us. She declared it the "best night of my life!"
She chose Wing Stop for our dinner on our date. Love this girl so much it hurts
Silly Sissy during Maggie's swim lessons. She was a trooper getting carted to daily swim lessons for four weeks
Maggie being silly and dressing up
Sweet Brandy chilling out on the couch.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
My Happiest of Happy Places
Last week was "summer fun time out in the sunshine!" Camp Discovery time! For the seventh summer in a row, I was the Arts and Crafts Coordinator for Camp Discovery, a kids camp for children with cancer ages 7-16. If you're a long time follower of my blog, you know that it's my happy place. My happiest of happy places really. For about two weeks leading up to camp, I found myself constantly thinking about it. I was even described by a friend as sounding like a giddy 8 yr old when I talk about camp. I love it. I love the people, the kids, the activities, the crafts and projects we do, the cheesy songs that get stuck in your head for days on end. I love it all.
This was my BEST summer yet at camp. Our arts and crafts schedule was more packed than usual, with the campers coming to our area four times during the week per cabin group instead of their usual three times. We did major projects. Not just one, but three, plus more beading time than we've ever had. The campers were awesome. The counselors are truly some of the best people I know.
Seven of us flew into San Antonio from Dallas and arrived to the hospital where we meet each year to load up our stuff and head out to Kerrville where our camp is. My first year, I remember watching all these people hug for the first time after not seeing each other for a year and feeling a bit awkward. I knew no one and they were greeting each other as if they were at a family reunion seeing loved ones they held dear. I stood and watched as they all hugged and found a group of other newbies so we could awkwardly stand together. Now, seven summers later, I am a part of that family and a part of that reunion. THE HUGS. Oh, the hugs I got when I arrived. I can't tell you how badly I needed those hugs or those people. After months of pain with the separation and divorce, I needed to be there with this special family of mine, enveloped by their friendship and love.
We pulled into the camp and a counselor said, "we're home, guys." Yes, we were. For the next week, that was our home. We would have Happy Nappy time, activities, a carnival, dining hall food for breakfast lunch and dinner, a dance, and so much more. Most importantly, we would be working with some of the most inspirational and amazing children. There was a fourteen year old girl with a prosthetic leg (coolest prosthetic ever with the entire thing detailed with a photo of the Beatles) who had not been able to be without her crutches at all in PT. What did she do at camp? SALSA DANCE. Now THAT is the magic of camp.
I could (and do) talk incessantly about camp and what we do. I could tell you for hours about songs, funny things people said or did, our late nights getting ice cream after the campers were in bed, and of course, about the campers. I could tell you how I was ridiculously stupid happy every single day. The happiest I've been in MONTHS.
Camp is magical.
We are not allowed to share photos that include campers, but here are some other camp photos. This doesn't even scratch the surface of how great Camp Discovery truly is. Pictures will never fully be able to do that.
It's not Camp Discovery without JELLO WARS! Picture a soccer field filled with baggies of jello, cans of whipped cream and a five minute free for all. Disgusting yet so much fun!
This was my BEST summer yet at camp. Our arts and crafts schedule was more packed than usual, with the campers coming to our area four times during the week per cabin group instead of their usual three times. We did major projects. Not just one, but three, plus more beading time than we've ever had. The campers were awesome. The counselors are truly some of the best people I know.
Seven of us flew into San Antonio from Dallas and arrived to the hospital where we meet each year to load up our stuff and head out to Kerrville where our camp is. My first year, I remember watching all these people hug for the first time after not seeing each other for a year and feeling a bit awkward. I knew no one and they were greeting each other as if they were at a family reunion seeing loved ones they held dear. I stood and watched as they all hugged and found a group of other newbies so we could awkwardly stand together. Now, seven summers later, I am a part of that family and a part of that reunion. THE HUGS. Oh, the hugs I got when I arrived. I can't tell you how badly I needed those hugs or those people. After months of pain with the separation and divorce, I needed to be there with this special family of mine, enveloped by their friendship and love.
We pulled into the camp and a counselor said, "we're home, guys." Yes, we were. For the next week, that was our home. We would have Happy Nappy time, activities, a carnival, dining hall food for breakfast lunch and dinner, a dance, and so much more. Most importantly, we would be working with some of the most inspirational and amazing children. There was a fourteen year old girl with a prosthetic leg (coolest prosthetic ever with the entire thing detailed with a photo of the Beatles) who had not been able to be without her crutches at all in PT. What did she do at camp? SALSA DANCE. Now THAT is the magic of camp.
I could (and do) talk incessantly about camp and what we do. I could tell you for hours about songs, funny things people said or did, our late nights getting ice cream after the campers were in bed, and of course, about the campers. I could tell you how I was ridiculously stupid happy every single day. The happiest I've been in MONTHS.
Camp is magical.
We are not allowed to share photos that include campers, but here are some other camp photos. This doesn't even scratch the surface of how great Camp Discovery truly is. Pictures will never fully be able to do that.
On the plane with Charlie. Charlie has been a great friend for years and I am so thankful for his friendship over the past few months. He's really been here for me.
On the plane silliness
The Arts and Crafts room. My home away from home!
Me and Amy. Love this girl and all her snarkiness
The tough part about being at camp--being away from my loves. Luckily, Andrew set up FaceTime on my MacBook and I was able to see the girls a few times during the week and called every day.
Paint isn't just for birdhouses, you know!
To go with our hero theme, we had wounded soldiers from the Center for the Intrepid join us on Tuesday of camp. These three guys hung out with us in A&C for an activity period and were incredibly inspiring
Amy excited to tie dye. We only did it this year because she loves it and begged me.
I'm not so much a fan of the tie dye
And this would be why. After two straight days of tie dye (this photo is after day one), I still have dye in my cuticles one week later. It's chaos and messy as heck, but the shirts turned out great and the kids had fun.
Took this photo for Maggie. We had a superhero theme week, so this was me ready for our dance. Amazing what being 50 lbs less will do for you--I danced almost the whole time. White girl, uncoordinated dance moves, of course, but I danced! HAHA
New activity this year. Watched The Incredibles outside after our campfire. Very cool
I always love the chalk art that happens in my room every year
Indication we did a LOT in A&C this year--this is all empty boxes we threw away!
Me and Charlie right after Jello Wars. I blame him for the glop of whipped cream in my ear!
Gotta love a guy who rocks purple tights to jello wars. :) My friend Brandon
Love counselors. My job is work, but NOTHING compared to all the work they put in during camp.
Johnny, our Co-Director. Highly respect this man.
She was happy with the end result of her tie dyed creation. Worth it
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Body in Transformation
Just like the rest of my life, my body has been transforming. One year after beginning my yoga journey, I see a very different girl in the mirror. I'm now 127 lbs (OMG!!!), a loose size four/small, and I just bought my first bikini today (not a friggin chance I will post a picture in that). The size 6 skinny jeans that I FLIPPED out when I bought (yes, there was jumping up and down in the dressing room) are now too loose.
I blogged a few months ago about how I have modified my eating. I still keep to this. I eat much less and I don't stress eat. Unfortunately, I went the opposite direction for a while where I could barely eat some days when the initial separation happened. I lost 15 lbs out of sheer stress and pain. Now, my weight has stabilized. I have weighed this since mid-May, but my size is better. I'm still doing portion control, while allowing myself a few unhealthy things on occasion. I did eat a hot dog and cupcake yesterday. Just didn't eat more than one cupcake or a hot dog and a hamburger. I did it in moderation.
Right now, I'm still going to my yoga studio. It's sporadic though. When I can get there. This week, I will luckily get myself there three or four times. My body feels so much better when I do. I purchased a four dvd yoga set to do at home, and I set up my treadmill. I've been walking a track with a friend sometimes too. My goal is to increase my psychical activity to do something each day--besides, chasing Katie around which, trust me, is A LOT! My big goal is to learn to run and participate in the Heroes for Children 5K in September for the first time (I won't be working it this year).
This is the first time in my life I've liked how I look. I love trying on clothes. My girlfriend just gave me a bunch of her things. Today, I wore an XS top. No joke, XS. I have bought a few cheap sundresses at Target, without even trying them on. This is huge. I try everything on. I love dresses now, and even shorter ones like the one I wore to my going away happy hour.
I still struggle with perception. I still see myself as bigger. I struggle to believe I'm really this size. Though I've seen the number on the scale since May, I step on every day expecting it to be a mistake. I start with a Large top in the store and often work my way down to a small. I told my girlfriend emphatically that there was no way the clothes she was bringing over for me would ever fit. They looked way too small. No chance could I wear that tight fitting cute size small top. They all fit, even that top.
The new size is helping contribute to the new self confidence too. I'm finding myself in so many ways right now. I'm finding that I don't have to rely on anyone to get things done in my life. I can do them. I AM doing them. I have been out with friends and flirted some with men. Because I like how I feel, that comes across. I've been out on a date or two and have liked being complimented on how I look. Don't go reading into that too much, readers, I'm in NO WAY ready or wanting to jump into a relationship of any kind with anyone. It's just nice to be noticed again. I was the one still in love in our marriage, not him. I haven't been genuinely complimented in years. A made me feel safe, secure, and happy, but I fished for the compliments. I can't tell you how good it feels for someone to tell me I'm pretty again. I had stopped thinking I was at all.
My body, my mind, my life continues to transform.
I blogged a few months ago about how I have modified my eating. I still keep to this. I eat much less and I don't stress eat. Unfortunately, I went the opposite direction for a while where I could barely eat some days when the initial separation happened. I lost 15 lbs out of sheer stress and pain. Now, my weight has stabilized. I have weighed this since mid-May, but my size is better. I'm still doing portion control, while allowing myself a few unhealthy things on occasion. I did eat a hot dog and cupcake yesterday. Just didn't eat more than one cupcake or a hot dog and a hamburger. I did it in moderation.
Right now, I'm still going to my yoga studio. It's sporadic though. When I can get there. This week, I will luckily get myself there three or four times. My body feels so much better when I do. I purchased a four dvd yoga set to do at home, and I set up my treadmill. I've been walking a track with a friend sometimes too. My goal is to increase my psychical activity to do something each day--besides, chasing Katie around which, trust me, is A LOT! My big goal is to learn to run and participate in the Heroes for Children 5K in September for the first time (I won't be working it this year).
This is the first time in my life I've liked how I look. I love trying on clothes. My girlfriend just gave me a bunch of her things. Today, I wore an XS top. No joke, XS. I have bought a few cheap sundresses at Target, without even trying them on. This is huge. I try everything on. I love dresses now, and even shorter ones like the one I wore to my going away happy hour.
I still struggle with perception. I still see myself as bigger. I struggle to believe I'm really this size. Though I've seen the number on the scale since May, I step on every day expecting it to be a mistake. I start with a Large top in the store and often work my way down to a small. I told my girlfriend emphatically that there was no way the clothes she was bringing over for me would ever fit. They looked way too small. No chance could I wear that tight fitting cute size small top. They all fit, even that top.
The new size is helping contribute to the new self confidence too. I'm finding myself in so many ways right now. I'm finding that I don't have to rely on anyone to get things done in my life. I can do them. I AM doing them. I have been out with friends and flirted some with men. Because I like how I feel, that comes across. I've been out on a date or two and have liked being complimented on how I look. Don't go reading into that too much, readers, I'm in NO WAY ready or wanting to jump into a relationship of any kind with anyone. It's just nice to be noticed again. I was the one still in love in our marriage, not him. I haven't been genuinely complimented in years. A made me feel safe, secure, and happy, but I fished for the compliments. I can't tell you how good it feels for someone to tell me I'm pretty again. I had stopped thinking I was at all.
My body, my mind, my life continues to transform.
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