In the Moment

Please allow me this moment to enjoy the current happy that is my life. I know how easily it can change, but right now, in this moment, I am perfectly happy with the life, people, and work I have been blessed to have.

I was sitting at my desk this morning smiling to myself during my conference period.  It was a strange feeling and not always one I always have.   

Happiness
Contentment
No desire for anything more or less
Satisfaction  

Life is good these days.  The bolded sentences above are my current Facebook status.  As I sat there this morning, I wondered, how long will this last?  How can I hold on to this happy and what is different?  Then it hit me, I just need to enjoy it.  I don't know how long it will last.  I don't know what will happen next and I can't plan it out as much as I try.  I can't predict what will happen next or will be around.  What I can control is how I enjoy and appreciate what I currently have.  This moment?  It's real good.  There's nothing fancy or significant happening.  No major life changes that have occurred.  As my friend De calls it, it's a "happy hum" of my life.  It's regular every day stuff of life that is moving smoothly and happily. 

There is much to be grateful for in my life.  Here is the happy hum of my life--

My happy, healthy, funny little girls who are growing up in front of my eyes make everything happy.  Maggie is thriving in first grade, loving her new school.  She is in gymnastics, dance, and starts Girl Scouts tomorrow.  She turns SEVEN at the end of the month (can you believe it???).  She started earning an allowance about three weeks ago and has been contributing to our household more and more with chores.  I pay her up to $3 a week based on criteria we decided was best for her.  As she has always been, Maggie is my snuggly one.  She can curl up with me and give love like no other.  Katie?  That girl barely stops moving to give a quick hug and she keeps on going!  Katie is ever our wild child.  She makes Maggie and me laugh so much with the funny little things she comes up with.  She's growing faster than I would like, already wearing size 5T and not even three (she's my TANK).  She's a smart little thing too.  Life with Maggie and Katie is always a little crazy, a lot of fun, and full of love. 

My job continues to be the stability I needed and the daily challenge I love.  Being around teenagers every day keeps me on my toes.  I teach two grade levels (4 seventh grade classes and 2 eighth grade classes).  Each class period is different  They can be exhausting and boisterous while other classes can be sweet and quiet.  I'm constantly busy around here.  I am the dept head for foreign language as well as the co-sponsor of National Junior Honor Society. Being my second year, I've found it much easier to know and plan.  I know what's coming up next in the curriculum.  I understand things like policies better.  I've made some really good friends here at school too. 

Our new home is perfect for us.  We went from 3,200 square feet that I couldn't keep up with and made me go into debt to 1,500 sq feet that is way more manageable.  My last electric bill at the house?  $485.  This month in the townhome?  $122.  The girls share a bedroom and have pink bunk beds (painted by my mom!).  My landlord is kind and generous, as well as very responsive to any needs we have.  We live in a quiet townhome community which I love.  It feels more like a home than an apartment complex would.  Very safe and surrounded by older people who are always out walking dogs and talking.  My expenses have significantly decreased. Hopefully, I will stabilize soon and begin to take care of some of the debt I created in 18 months of trying to keep my head up in the old house as well as being crap at finances (let's be honest, I wasn't very good and I'm getting there.  Almost).  Settling into the townhome has been the best thing for us.  I don't miss that big burden of a home in the least.  I have nothing but happy memories in the townhome and all things belong to ME.  It's my space and my happiness with the girls.

Military Man and I are doing great, as you saw from my last post.  This week, our date was a movie at an old lounge style movie theatre and sushi (our favorite).  On the drive home, we cranked up music and were yelling and dancing in the car, just acting plain stupid (ok, me more than my reserved MM).  We were laughing hysterically.  He came to bring lunch for me and my two closest work friends yesterday.  I love having him come into my world here at school a bit.  The 8th grade girls, of course, freaked out that my boyfriend was in the building.  Even they call him Military Man!  They swooned and whispered and then came to me after he left the school to say to tell me he's very good looking and they approve.  Good thing I got the approval of 13 and 14 year old girls!  Silly girls. 

Yeah, I like this moment.  I like my happy hum. 

A Year with Boyfriend

Some days, it feels like I just wrote this blog post about being in a relationship. Except, I didn't.  It's been a year. WOW. 

Today,  Boyfriend and I celebrate our one year anniversary.  We decided October 4th, the date of our first date together, was officially our day.  Last night (I don't have kids on Wednesday nights), we went to dinner in downtown Ft. Worth and ate a decandent meal at the Reata.  We snuggled up at a jazz lounge and laughed and talked.

Some things I've learned dating the Boyfriend over the last year--

• An ADD woman and a slightly anal retentive man can on occasion stress each other out.  Said neat freak man will sometimes feel overwhelmed in the chaos that surrounds the not so neat freak woman (ie--my car!)
• Dating as two divorced people with kids is just plain TOUGH.  No easy way to say it.  There are schedules, kids activities, kids emotions and understanding (and often lack of understanding given that divorce is such a painful and difficult situation that adults often don't understand). However, so very worth it. 
• Wednesday night date nights are THE BEST.  We love our date nights.  They aren't elaborate, usually just a dinner and relaxing on a patio somewhere or home early for a movie on the couch, but they are always special.  We make sure we place priority on having at least one night a week that is just for us.  In the chaos that is our schedule and our lives, we need this so much. 
• No weekends together are exhausting.  We have lots of time apart.  This does mean that a weekend together is much anticipated and we make the most of our time.  Our next weekend is the third weekend of October.  Last night, we scoped out a restaurant we want to try in downtown Ft. Worth and have plans with our friends Nikki and Kevin to go to the fair (where we had our second date).  I can't wait!
• Having the car door opened for you never gets old.  I had to adapt to this, especially with getting out of the car.  He is old fashioned in that he likes to come around and open the door for me to get out.  In the beginning, I would remember once every four or five times to sit and wait instead of opening it myself. Now, he says he has me trained for it (though I'm going to let myself out at the grocery store or Walmart--that's just plain silly). 
• Walking into the room and having someone stop and notice you is intoxicating.  Boyfriend makes me feel so beautiful, even when I have no makeup on and I'm in yoga pants.  He reminds me constantly that he is attracted to me and that he feels lucky to be with me.  Last night, I dressed fancier than our usual jeans and a top Wednesday night date.  I did my hair and wore a short black dress with high heels.  When I walked out ready to go, he stopped and gushed.  All night he would look at me, smile, and mutter "gorgeous." That feeling?  Indescribable. 
• Communication is KEY!  With as much time away as we have, talking or texting is essential.  We share everything and we don't feel afraid to share feelings. 
• We both have our baggage that we've brought with us from our past.  The older you get, the more baggage you collect along the way.  We work through things together and share when something is affecting us.  We've worked through the big things.  We went through the first year post divorce and all the emotions that came along with it, especially for me.  I can't tell you how many times I have cried on his shoulder for something and how many times he held me through it. 

Most importantly, after a year with my  I've learned that my life is better because he is in it. 

Love you, babe!

Saying goodbye to September

Bye.  See you.  Au revoir.  Adios.  Hasta la vista. 

GOODBYE SEPTEMBER. 

In a nutshell--this past month has kicked my ever loving ASS.  However, it's September 30th.  I don't have to see September on my calendar for another 12 months. 

And in the end, I survived it all--back to school insanity, the adjustment of my workload which has been a lot lately, Allie's anniversary, chairing the Heroes for Children 5K Run/Walk, and a few other things I'd rather just leave behind with the month. 

It's all good.  Moving forward and loving the girls, Military Man, and what the future has to hold. 

TRUTH

First day of school 2012

Moved!

Healing

If you've been a follower of this blog for a while, you know that dates on the calendar mean a lot to me. I can be rendered unable to function, stricken by sadness, from a particular date. September 13th is and may always be my worst day of the year. The day my beautiful baby died (can it really be almost 8 years???) in my arms. December 17th--Allie's birthday. April 4th--my father's death. May 3rd--the day the world stopped when we heard our baby might have leukemia. There are also those happy dates in my life that bring immeasurable joy too. 

So, you would think that August 9th would be a new added calendar date for me to get anxious over. August 9, 2011, I walked into a courtroom and finalized my divorce.

I didn't realize I had past the one year mark of my divorce until the day after because I was having too much fun that day with the people I love most in the world.

A former coworker of mine let me use their family condo last week in Rockport, TX.  The girls, Boyfriend and I made a seven hour drive down to the coast.  It wasn't always a perfect vacation and had it's moments of stress (hi, we took a toddler on a road trip.  Enough said), but it was a good week overall.

On the day of the one year mark, we took the girls to Corpus Christi for what ended up being my favorite day of the entire summer.  We spent six hours at the Texas State Aquarium.  The dolphin show was first up, completely soaking us head to toe!  The girls were a mess of giggles afterwards and we spent over thirty minutes watching the dolphins in the underground viewing area.  Sissy was most fascinated by the otters.  The kids had Boyfriend and me in tears laughing so hard watching them play at the splash pad.  At one point, I tweeted that my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  Dinner afterwards was perfect.  Maggie hugged me throughout the day, declaring it the best of her summer.  She thanked us profusely for taking her and even willingly went to bed early, tired from the day's fun.

It wasn't until the next day as we were driving home that I started thinking about all that I need to do before I go back to work on August 20th.  I was thinking of everything that I need done with the house, the Heroes for Children 5K, play time with the kids, etc.  I began mentally preparing my to do list as I was driving (poor MM had to work on his laptop the entire drive down and back).  I wanted to figure out how much time I had left and thought hard about what day it was.  Then it hit me.  It was August 10th.  I didn't even remember the August 9th date.  I hadn't obsessed about it or allowed it to become another date that made me anxious.  I didn't notice. 

That, my friends, is HEALING.