Monday, August 31, 2009

That's what little girls are made of

Katherine Sarah Scott will be joining our family in January. Katie, as we're already calling her. Maggie has come around to it being a girl. I told my little diva that sisters can wear matching dresses. Told her we would go shopping for clothes for her. Then, I busted out the big guns.

She has a choice--Katie can get the guestroom and have a brand new room OR Maggie can give Katie her bedroom and she can have her very own BRAND!NEW!BIG!SISTER!ROOM! Yeah, that worked. Now, she is happy about having a little sister. She is talking to my belly, "Hi Katie!!" everyday. She giggles that Daddy is the only boy in our family, including even the dog. Yesterday, we went to Six Flags for a fun family day. As we were walking in the front entrance, Maggie turns to my belly and yells, "KATIE!! We're at Six Flags--it's your very first time to come to Six Flags!!"

To answer the question I'm getting all the time--Andrew is THRILLED to be having a third daughter. He was so excited when "I'm a Girl" was typed across the screen during the ultrasound. He loves his girls so much. Let me tell you what--they worship that man. My girls are in love with their daddy.

We are so excited about our newest additon to the family. 19 weeks and counting!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Monday is the first day of school in our school district. Moms around town are busily getting their kids ready for the back to school madness. On Facebook, moms are excitedly posting things like "I can't believe my baby is starting kindergarten!!"

My baby is not starting kindergarten.

Monday will be a tough day for me. If Allie had survived, she would be heading to school with the rest of the nervous group of kindergarteners. I would be standing with other mothers crying over where the years have gone and how we already have a child old enough to go off to elementary school. This has hit me hard in the last week. I've cried many times. I feel like I've been cheated on a major milestone for both my child and me, and I'm reminded that there are many, many more milestones I will not see with Allie.

I've contemplated going to her grave on Monday to bring her flowers. This is not an easy decision for me to make as I do not visit her grave. Both of our mothers do and bring her flowers when they can, but I have struggled with it. Both she and my father are two plots away from each other. So, if I go to face one, I have to face the other. That's tough. When I have been in the past, I have had nightmares of her death for weeks afterwards.

It's been four years since I've visited my daughter's grave.

Please understand that this is VERY personal for me and sharing this is not easy. I'm not particularly proud of my own cowardice in facing my daughter's grave. I feel guilty. I can't tell you how many times I've driven myself that direction, gotten close, and then pulled away. I want badly to go on Monday, but I am so very afraid to face those emotions and the fear of those nightmares. I don't know if I can go alone, but I don't know that I can handle going with another.

Between kindergarten starting, being pregnant, and the five year anniversary of Allie's death looming close too, I'm a ball of emotions these days.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Baby Update

I had my 16 week appointment this afternoon. Everything looks great with the baby. I find out the sex in two weeks! EEK! Maggie and I are pretty convinced that it's a boy. Andrew thinks it's a girl. He says he knows no different since we've had two pretty little ladies already.

I'm feeling good. The nausea is getting better (another reason I think it's a boy--this is the earliest it has ever gone away) and I'm already gaining weight. Mainly, I'm tired. I feel like I could sleep ten hours a night and still need a nap during the day. I don't remember being this tired with my other two. Of course, even though this is my third pregnancy, it's my first one to go through with a child to be raising at the same time. And work full time at a busy stressful job. I worry about how I'll be with our very busy Fall schedule with Heroes for Children. I will just have to take it easy a bit.

I'm definitely more forgetful too. Last night, I was so relaxed and thankful to have a quiet night at home. Maggie and I went for a nice walk and visited the ducks in the pond by our house. It was a very easy night. Tonight, when Maggie starts singing a song she learned in her dance class, I realized OH CRAP! Yeah, she had dance last night. I totally forgot about it. It's her favorite thing of each week and I forgot. I LIVE by my calendar, checking it all day long to make sure I know what is coming up. And yet, I completely missed this. Oh yeah, it was on my calendar, in large letters and coded in green (I have a color coded Outlook calendar to help me stay organized). She doesn't realize she missed it, but I feel bad. My sweet girl.

Maggie is very excited about being a big sister. Tonight, we went to her happy place--Target. Specifically, the "New Target" by our house. She loves Target. We spent time walking through the baby section with her exclaiming at everything she saw, "Look, Mama!!! A CRIB for a BOY baby!" "Oh, so pretty, a stroller for a GIRL baby." We talked going up and down each aisle about what we will need for the baby. She picked out a blanket that she wanted to buy, but I wouldn't let her get it. Didn't think dark blue with trucks on it was a good purchase before we know if it's a boy or a girl. :) Each day, she rubs my belly and talks to the baby. Usually she says, "Hi baby, I'm going to be your big sister. I will kiss you!" It melts my heart every time.

Love my girl. Can't wait to meet this new little one I know I will love too.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

For the Dallas Folk

Picture--Maggie and I from the 2007 5K (photo from Sugar Photography)

Heroes for Children is gearing up for our busy fall season and kicking it off with honoring childhood cancer patients and families at the 5th Annual 5K Run/Walk at the Shops at Legacy!

The event is scheduled for Saturday, September 12th. Lots of things for you to do with your kids out at the event.

I can't believe it is our fifth event. I remember being pregnant with Maggie (and SO SICK that I had been vomiting so much that I was hospitalized the day before the event for hyperememsis). I love our 5K. I love that it is in September now (used to be in the Spring) during Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. This year, it is the day before Allie's fifth anniversary of our losing her to cancer. What a beautiful way to remember my sweet baby.

I hope if you are in the area you will consider joining us this year. If you aren't close enough to come and walk but you still want to be involved, consider making a $5 donation to celebrate five years. Donations can be made at

With lots of gratitude,