Saturday, December 20, 2014

On lawsuit and love

Really? The last time I blogged was in August? Oof, sorry about that.

You see, I've remained silent about a situation and it made it to where I didn't feel like I could blog well.

In February, A initiated a lawsuit against me regarding custody of my childrem. I won't go into a lot of specifics, but I'll tell you the stress and strain often felt like a lot. Unfortunately, it's created an ugly atmosphere between us that we never wanted. We don't speak; we don't coparent. Our daughters  know nothing  about the situation and we'll keep it that way.

As for me, I need to learn to release the anger and eventually forgive. 

I'm not there yet. We finally came to an agreement in the lawsuit and we're waiting for things to be signed off. Mediation ended favorably and we're satisfied with the outcome. It was just so UNNECESSARY. I'm still fairly angry. Never did I hate him before. I do now. Never did I hate his wife. I'm not a fan (but I do like her special name in my phone). We don't speak and we don't interact. Moving forward from this will not be easy, but I'll try. I know that eventually I have to forgive--not for them but for ME. I have to find a way to coparent for the best of my girls without feeling that seething  anger towards them both. Eventually, I have to change his name from X in my phone back to his real name (ok, fine, I'll have to do it with her special name too). I've had my share of ugliness towards him, even today I didn't necessarily mince my words.

Rob is incredible. He's been absolutely the BEST through all of this. He's been loving and supportive. He gives me thoughts and ideas, plus weigh in on situations. He never tells me I'm not justified for my feelings. More importantly, he's been so great at helping us make sure this did not take away our joy and our happiness. This is our first year of marriage (anniversary is a week from today!) and  we still need to feel our happiness. We have. In fact, we've become even closer.  We would not allow them to ruin this time for us. We let it make us stronger. This man is wonderful. My heart is reminded daily that he is the one for me.

I'm not sure I'll leave this post up. I've tried hard not to bash A on this blog. However, I needed to write this. I'm hoping it will help me in starting the healing process. So, as this year comes to an end, I'm going to work on letting it go. I'm going to focus on my girls and the time and schedule we have with them.  I'm going to enjoy my marriage and this life we are creating.

I will forgive and I will move past what he did. 

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Dear Summer, Don't Go....

Tomorrow, I have my first meeting for department heads.  Tuesday night, an hour meeting for foreign language leadership in the district.  Wednesday, training to return as the new Peer Assistance and Leadership teacher at my school (can't wait--taught it years ago).  Thursday, it's back full time. 

The summer is gone.  I'm not ready. 

Sure, the heat and the sweatiness will stick around (hi, we live in Texas), but the long days with my girls and extra family time are gone.  I have absolutely LOVED being a stay at home mom this summer.  Those are words I never thought I would hear.  I have been cleaning, cooking, mowing the grass, decorating the house, having adventures with the kids, and doing extra things around the house to help my husband.  Tonight, I just finished my job as "props and backstage mom" for Maggie's major production at the Plano Children's Theatre.  This was a two week intensive camp with six performances--we're whooped! 

Once school starts back, it'll be hectic around here.  Gone are our leisurely mornings where I tell the kids they can't come in my room until 9am (they get up before 7 and play quietly in the toy closet in Sissy's room together) then we all snuggle.  Gone are extended visitation with the big girls, with them having started school back last Wednesday up in Oklahoma.  We're back to just weekends now.  Gone is the ease of walking upstairs in the middle of the day to kiss my husband while he's working at his home office. 

I think it's surprised me how much I really did enjoy being so "domestic" here at the house.  Cooking?  Not my thing.  Making the bed on a regular basis?  Really, is anyone going to see it, come on.  Mowing the grass?  Man's job.  NOPE.  I have been doing it all and finding pleasure in taking care of my family in this way.  I've found several new recipes (BLESS YOU PINTEREST) that most of my family will eat.  It's hit or miss if we can get Katie to eat it, that picky little stinker. 

So, now it's time to find that balance between mom/teacher/wife/me.  I'll be ready for the students and the new school year eventually.  For now, I'm mourning the end of this terrific summer. 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


For the past seven months, I have been a stepmom. 

Confession--most of the time, I think I'm failing.  

My stepdaughters live three hours away.  We don't have them during the week, drive them to appointments, or get to go to school functions easily.  Seeing a choir concert is a 6 plus hour drive for us (and we've done it multiple times this year), so it's not easy.  We miss the big girls and we spend more time with the little girls with them here in Texas with us.  Our blended family is busy and I struggle daily to juggle it all. 

Being a mom is HARD.  It's exhausting and it is full of demands.  Being a stepmom?  I had no idea how much harder.  You don't have the unconditional love of the child you've known since she squeaked in your arms moments after birth.  You don't have the child who wants to curl up in your lap or have special mama/daughter time with you.  You don't have the child that knows that even if you get frustrated with them, you love them to the depths of your soul.  You have the child who never wanted you in her life in the first place and always knows her mother can do it better (and she can, they have a great mom).  

I'm never first choice.  In the line of four parents, I'm fourth.  No doubt.  I'm learning to accept this. 

It hurt at first because I so wanted the girls to love me.  I so wanted them to want to spend time with me or want to communicate with me.  I got my feelings hurt.  A lot.  I responded poorly.  A lot.  I tried.  Over and over.  I still try.  Sometimes it's met with terrific results and I cry because I think "they like me!  maybe they can love me!"  Sometimes it feels like we are right back to square one and I cry because I wonder if I'll ever stop wondering if they actually hate me (sidenote--I don't believe they really hate me, it's just my own fear creeping in).  

Step-parenting feels like a dance--it's very one step forward and one step back. OK, two steps back. 

Being a stepmom has it's incredible rewards.  My stepdaughters are amazing.  They are talented and funny.  I've learned a lot from them.  They are terrific big sisters to my girls, and do not see the boundary of step when it comes to Maggie and Katie.  Those are their sisters and they adore them.  We can laugh so much as a family and have developed our own inside jokes that are just for our family of six.  I love my stepdaughters.  I love them so much and I'm crazy proud of them. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy.  It's been a terrific summer with his12 year old here with us for a month.  16 only joined us for a week because she was working all summer at the frozen yogurt shop in her town. It was hard to not have her here with us.  We can't make her come and we accept that she is working with responsibilities now.   I made it my goal that 12 would have a good summer.  We had playdates with her favorite Texas friends, sleepovers and a trip to the water park.  We took one friend and the three of our younger ones to a cabin on Possum Kingdom lake for a week and have a blast.  At the end, she rated the summer a 9 out of 10.  We had our bumps in the road, but in the end, it was a great summer.  We miss her already!

Most importantly, I love their father.  I love this family and no matter how long it takes, I am committed to this blended family. So, I'm a stepmom. 

Are you in a stepcouple?  How long?  What advice do you have to someone still gaining her footing in this new dynamic?  

Monday, May 26, 2014

Early Father's Day with all his girls

So lucky to raise children with this man. Celebrated Father's Day yesterday because we will be in France on the actual date.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Mother's Day 2014

Historically, Mother's Day has not been my favorite.  My first Mother's Day ten years ago was the day they transferred my precious baby from the PICU to the transplant unit.  My second, I was a pregnant grieving mother.  Over the years, it wasn't usually a good experience.  Even last year, it wasn't great, as Rob shared something we me (that I needed to know) which ruined my mood for the day.  So, as usual, my hopes weren't high for a great day.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  I didn't get a day, I got the best weekend with my sweet family and felt more loved than ever. 

Rob is the BEST at sending flower.  My front office staff always rave about how I get the most flowers.  He sends them for our anniversary, my birthday, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and usually just once just because.  His cards are usually my favorite part.  Rarely do I not cry when I read his words.  Most of them are hanging on my board next to my desk at work.  Three are across the bottom of the computer monitor.  Friday morning started off with a lovely bouquet of flowers, including my favorite lillies.  He knows me well.

An easy home night was perfect Friday night with the four of us. Saturday was a big family night, hosted for the first time in OUR NEW HOME (Yay!!  We love it!).  My mom, grandma, brother, his wife and daughter all joined us for an easy fun night where the volume of three children quickly sounded more like eight. 

Finally came Mother's Day.  It was more than I could have asked for.  Maggie and Katie showered me with hugs and kisses.  Maggie wrote me two beautiful letters at school and Katie's preschool teacher had a sweet letter she helped Katie write.  Oh, these girls.  What a blessing it is to be their mother.  We went out for an adventure.  All I ever wanted for Mother's Day was a family day planned for me.  Rarely did this ever happen.  It did this time.  We went to church as a family, out to brunch, then headed down to the Dallas Arboretum.  There was a free outdoor concert from the US Navy Band and tons of fun with the kids.  By the time we got home, we decided a leftover night was exactly what we needed. They gave me some thoughtful gifts that the girls picked out themselves and the new rolling kitchen cart I've been wanting.  Then, I was sent to relax in bed!  YES! 

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who celebrated.  Thank you to the three loves of my life who made me feel important and loved.  Doesn't everyone deserve that?

Wednesday, April 9, 2014


My first baby girl turned 13 today! Brandy was five weeks old when I brought her little butterball self home.  (Seriously, is there anything cuter than a golden retriever puppy?  No, I don't think so).  Since then, this dog has been MY baby.  She's been with me through the birth of all my babies, the death of one of my babies, two major careers, three houses, one divorce, one remarriage, and so much more.  It's impossible to describe how thankful I am for my sweet companion.  I don't know how much longer our BB will be with us, so I want to cherish my time with her.  You can see her age now.  Not just in her completely white face either.  She struggles to get back up when she's been lying down for long periods of time.  She rests most of the time though you will occasionally still seen some spark in her.  She's slower and falls easily.  She doesn't hoard socks like she used to or bring you random stuff when you call her name, but she'll still find ways to get into mischief from time to time!

Happy birthday, my puppy.  

Sunday, March 30, 2014

An Update

It seems that every time I blog that something is good, no, more than good, something quickly goes wrong.  Two days after my "Enjoying married life" blog post, life changed for us again.  I can't blog about it now, but I will tell you that things have been very challenging for us as a family.  We have struggled together with our anger towards others (specific, yes, but again, that's not for now), and we have felt more stress and pressure than any other time in our relationship.  In no way did we see this coming and we still struggle with the shock of it all as well. 

Things are not better yet and we're fighting like hell to keep our marriage safe from the crap that is happening.  We're giving each other as much love as possible.  We're giving each other as much understanding when we are dealing with emotions.  This man I married?  MY ROCK.  I am his I know as well.  We will not let this shake us or steal our joy. 

I just ask now for peace and guidance.  Sends us your happy thoughts and prayers, please.

So, moving on from that give an update on the GOOD things--

  • 16 got her first job!  She's working hard at a frozen yogurt place.  Unfortunately, it does cut her visiting here in Texas down more.  She only visited half of her Spring Break while we had 11 the entire time.  We all went to Oklahoma during our Spring Break and got to see her work.  Rob kept muttering "my baby" over and over.  Sweet to see him swell with such pride.
  • Brandy turns 13 next month!  I can't believe that my first baby is now so old.  She is still my sweet love, though sometimes I think Katie and I are the only two who still adore her as much (she can be a little high maintenance).
  • Katie has been trying soccer this season.  It could easily be the funniest 45 minutes of our week.  Our team, the Pink Ladybugs, is not exactly focused on the game.  These girls all go to preschool together and they are not all very athletic.  Water breaks and snacks are way more important than soccer goals. 
  • Maggie is loving 2nd grade!  She continues to work harder and is just blossoming.  She loves her Girl Scout troop and all the activities.  She's found two best friends who she just clicks with so well.  It's so awesome to watch her flourish lately.  She's really growing up. 
  • School has been a long year for me.  I am the department head and have a guy on my team that has sucked up a lot of time and energy.  He is not easy to deal with and has caused more headaches during my work day.  However, my teaching and my classroom has never been better.  It's a trade off. 
  • Rob will be celebrating 25 years of being in the military in July.  It's amazing to me to see his unfaltering commitment to serving our country.  I couldn't be more proud. 
  • 11 has really become the most loving big sister to the little girls!  She struggled at first, especially with not being the baby of the family.  Now, she steps in to be the helper when she is here to visit and the little girls are home too.  It's not frequent that it overlaps (only tonight this weekend because 11 is staying with us an extra day due to her school district having no school tomorrow).  She played with them during family dinner, helped them in the bath, and told them a story to tuck them into bed.  We try to compliment her often about how loving she has become with them. 
  • France is just around the corner.  We have a great group of students and parents traveling again this year.  I can't wait because my husband gets to go as a chaperone as well.  It will be his first time to travel abroad, with the exception of two tours to Iraq.  We will visit the D-Day beaches and American cemetery one week after the 75th anniversary of the landing.  Cannot wait to share this experience and a place I love so much with him!
  • We got a house!  We have been living in our apartment for almost two months now.  Thankfully, it is a really large apartment with plenty of space.  Like I said, we rarely have all four girls together.  It was two nights in all of March and only one night in April coming up.  However, we are SO excited to have a house we move into together.  Most of my things are still in storage, so we will be able to fully join our belongings.  The big girls have been helping come up with designs for decorating.  11 is working on an art project of creating these storage crates/seats for our media room right now!  I bought canvases for 16 to paint for a large photo collage wall she and I are creatingld  (you should see this kid's artistic talent--blows me away!).  They created a board on Pinterest for us all to pin house ideas to.  May 1st will be here before we know it and everyone is very ready.

Thanks for checking in.  All in all, we're good.  We're going to be good.  We have good kids and a good marriage.  Better than good--GREAT.   

PS--thanks for your comments and constant encouragement.  It always means a lot to me.  I ask that you please help me by just keeping everything positive right now.  If I can share one day what happened, I will.  If not, just know that your support and positivity will make more of a difference than anything else. Thanks!  --Jenny