For more than five years now, you've read my words. My husband has remained the silent one, preferring to remain behind the scenes. Today, on our daughter's fifth anniversary of her death, Andrew has chosen to write. This morning, he told me he wrote a letter to Allie and asked if I wanted to read it. Only if he wanted me to, I responded. I read. I cried. I hugged the amazing man and father I love so much. Then he said he was thinking of posting it on his facebook page. By the time I got out of my shower this morning, he had already received five comments commending him for his love, honesty, and bravery for posting his letter for others to read.
With Andrew's permission, I share his letter now. Grab your Kleenex.
My Dearest Allie,
Today marks the fifth year of your passing. I was trying to think of a good way to honor you today. This little note is my attempt.
I miss everything about you, sweetheart.
I miss your smile.
I miss your laugh.
I miss your big blue eyes.
I miss watching Baby Einstein with you and waiting for the Giraffes to show up.
I miss you passing out for naps on my chest and holding you for hours while you sleep.
I miss your gorgeous hair when you had it and your beautiful bald head after it all went away.
Most of all, I miss us.
Your sister talks about you all the time. She wants to know everything about you. I wish you could be here to play with her. I know you would have been the best big sister ever.
Each and everyday I think about you, the good times and the bad. Remembering you and your life makes me a better person. It isn’t just me though. Momma has done a brilliant job honoring your legacy with the work she is doing. Many families that are going through what ours did are getting help now. Your Momma is amazing!
I want you to know that I am doing ok. My heart is still broken from your passing, but I am managing just fine. Time seems to be the best remedy for the pain, but it will never fully abandon me. I had a hard time watching you slip away. I never wanted you to leave, but I knew it had to happen.
You are my angel. You will always be with me. I dream of a day when we can meet again. I can tell you all about my life here and you can tell me about yours wherever you are. Until that day, I’ll continue to be the best father, husband and man I can be. It is you that inspires that dedication in me. It is you that drives me.
I love you, sweet baby,