Sunday, September 13, 2009

From Daddy

For more than five years now, you've read my words. My husband has remained the silent one, preferring to remain behind the scenes. Today, on our daughter's fifth anniversary of her death, Andrew has chosen to write. This morning, he told me he wrote a letter to Allie and asked if I wanted to read it. Only if he wanted me to, I responded. I read. I cried. I hugged the amazing man and father I love so much. Then he said he was thinking of posting it on his facebook page. By the time I got out of my shower this morning, he had already received five comments commending him for his love, honesty, and bravery for posting his letter for others to read.

With Andrew's permission, I share his letter now. Grab your Kleenex.


My Dearest Allie,

Today marks the fifth year of your passing. I was trying to think of a good way to honor you today. This little note is my attempt.

I miss everything about you, sweetheart.

I miss your smile.

I miss your laugh.

I miss your big blue eyes.

I miss watching Baby Einstein with you and waiting for the Giraffes to show up.

I miss you passing out for naps on my chest and holding you for hours while you sleep.

I miss your gorgeous hair when you had it and your beautiful bald head after it all went away.

Most of all, I miss us.

Your sister talks about you all the time. She wants to know everything about you. I wish you could be here to play with her. I know you would have been the best big sister ever.

Each and everyday I think about you, the good times and the bad. Remembering you and your life makes me a better person. It isn’t just me though. Momma has done a brilliant job honoring your legacy with the work she is doing. Many families that are going through what ours did are getting help now. Your Momma is amazing!

I want you to know that I am doing ok. My heart is still broken from your passing, but I am managing just fine. Time seems to be the best remedy for the pain, but it will never fully abandon me. I had a hard time watching you slip away. I never wanted you to leave, but I knew it had to happen.

You are my angel. You will always be with me. I dream of a day when we can meet again. I can tell you all about my life here and you can tell me about yours wherever you are. Until that day, I’ll continue to be the best father, husband and man I can be. It is you that inspires that dedication in me. It is you that drives me.

I love you, sweet baby,

Daddy

54 comments:

Natalie W said...

Oh goodness.... What a testament to the love a father has for his his firstborn baby girl.

I have followed you all this time, and have always seen Andrew as a very strong, stoic, quiet, and humble person. Under it all, he has this kind of love. What a blessing that he shared such a private message with us.

Love to you and yours today.

-Natalie

Kara said...

Oh my gosh. Get your kleenex is right. What a wonderful, beautiful letter to your angel. Love to all 4, soon to be 5, of you.

Angie Clark said...

That was amazing :) Thought of you both today...you two have been through so much and come so far, and done so much. Thank you for sharing with us :)

The Nanny said...

Oh, my heart...love to all of you.

Living In a Girl's World said...

Definitely needed the tissue. You are an amazing person and have an amazing husband by your side. Thank you for sharing this. I hope your day was filled with the good memories of your sweet Allie.

Em said...

That was beautiful. Simply beautiful. God bless you all.

ViolinMama said...

What a testament to a Daddy's love. Wow. Much love to you all!

Krista said...

All I can say is wow

Tammy said...

Beautiful!

Nikki said...

This line got me...

"I miss your gorgeous hair when you had it and your beautiful bald head after it all went away."

Wow. What a beautiful letter to his sweet daughter.

Jenny - You, Allie, Maggie, and Katie are 4 very blessed ladies.

Rhonda said...

Simply BEAUTIFUL ~ no other words.

Lori said...

Your family and your love are so inspiring to others - I'm so sorry that your princess Allie had to endure all that she did - you have given back so much in her honor and that letter from Daddy is the most perfect way to honor her on this 5th anniversary. You are truly an amazing family -

Rebecca said...

beautiful, thank you for sharing.

Shannon (SLBB) said...

speechless....

bethsix said...

What a sweet husband you have. Thank you for sharing this, Andrew and Jenny.

Bubba&SistersMom said...

There is something so absolutely, breath-taking about the relationship between a little girl and her daddy. Your girls are so very blessed...beautiful words Andrew.

One crazed mommy said...

Touched my heart to the core - what a beautiful letter.

Amie said...

Yeah, Mom called me yesterday to tell me about this letter. She even had me sign into her facebook account just to read it...and I did...and I lost it...and I loved it! I'm so proud of you, Andre.
Love you guys!

Midwest Mama said...

Amazing...plain and simple!

Laurie said...

I thought of Allie all day yesterday, sharing her story to all who would listen. What a way Andrew did it, thanks for sharing.

Barb said...

Andrew, words escape me..... I have never read such love from a daddy to his little girl... You are an amazing man, husband and mostly father. You can feel how special your daughters are to you.
My heart is with you.

Karen said...

Andrew,
That was simply beautiful. What a wonderful daddy you are!

Kelly said...

Wow. Wow....amazing letter. I'm crying at work and I don't even care who sees. What a great man you have there Jenny. Your girls (all 3 of them) are lucky to have him as their father. You are lucky to have such a great and caring husband.

Lucia said...

That was beautiful, and amazing, and I for one am honored to have had the chance to read it.

Heather said...

Amazing, simply amazing...what a wonderful Father, Husband, Man! You and all of your girls are truly lucky. ((((HUGS)))) to you all

Crys said...

Perfect. Thank you for sharing a father's point of view. We love you, Allie! Have fun in heaven with our Lexa. Wish you could be playing together here, but I bet there are better castles in heaven.

Brittany..Following my Bliss said...

Beautiful, amazing, inspiring..
I can't believe its been 5 years and I'm just some random internet person so I can only imagine how it must feel to you.
Thanks for sharing the letter.
It makes me appreciate being a mom to my 5 and to not take anything for granted.

Mom2Gizmo said...

Beautiful. Allie's story still touches my heart in a way no other has...I've followed many blogs since yours, but Allie will always be so special. I followed her story during her life and I cried like I never knew was possible for a "stranger" when she passed. Because of Allie, I've done Light the Night walks. My oldest will be six in two weeks...then I have a 2 year old boy, and my youngest, and only girl, is 6 months. I hold my babies closer because of Allie. I continue to follow you and see how you are doing and it is amazing. I still think of your family when I see butterflies and giraffes. I cannot imagine that ache, but you have done so much to honor her. Andrew's letter is gorgeous and honest and brave. What a great Dad. Sending much love your way.

Sarah said...

Amazing! Thank you for sharing.
Thinking of you all this month.

Leslie said...

What an amazing letter from a wonderful daddy to his baby girl.

Emily said...

Jenny,

It is stories like this that make me want to do what I want to do. I remember where I was when I heard the news about your babies passing. No kid, no baby should have to go through your angel went through. I, like you, have seen to many families go through this. I am 23 years old and have gone back to school and am majoring In PR so i can help families get treatment and other things they need to beat this monster.

Andrew. as a victim of abuse, I had started to believe that there was no good men in this world...until I read your letter. You are what every man should be. Not only should we be honoring Allie, but you and Jenny as well.

Jenny and Andrew, with your permission, I'd like to share your letter with some friends of mine who are political who need to know what you guys have gone through. Please let me know.

Emily

USMCwifeAMY said...

My heart hurts for you guys. I know this is always a tough month for you and you're always on my mind. Such a sweet letter, tears are streaming. Thank you for sharing.

Debbie said...

Beautiful. Amazing. Wow.

Tears are rolling....

Kelly said...

Awesome.

lacismith23 said...

wow... simply beautiful!

kim-d said...

I believe that is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. You are an amazing family.

My birthday is Sept. 13...I always say a few words to Allie on that day!

. said...

I have been thinking of you all alot lately. My son is a few months older than Allie. I rememeber driving him to school and thinking about Allie.. really just about every milestone he has, I think of Allie.

Thank you for sharing this letter with us.

Your whole family has made me a better person and a better mother.

Lollyblogger said...

Crikey. I needed a whole box of kleenex for that one. Your husband is surprisingly expressive for an IT guy- that letter was beautiful, heartfelt and terribly moving. We said a prayer for your kindergartener on the 13th. Thank you so much for letting us into your lives...

Me said...

Andrew is the most amazing father, husband, and friend that I know. Love you guys. Cried like a baby of course.

D

Proud Grandma said...

What a wonderful letter - a box of kleenex was required - what a great father Andrew is to his girls and what a tribute to Angel Allie. tefess

Toni said...

that was absolutely beautiful...God bless you all!

Spence Ohana said...

Beautiful. Blessings to your family.

Nikki said...

Jenny and Andrew,
I first met Jenny and Allie on the January Baby center board and have followed your journey through all 6 years(pregnancy too!). I am continually amazed by your strength.
Both of you are amazing people, parents and role models.
You are blessed to have each other!
I think of you often and talk about you lots (even here in Canada I find people that know your story and tell them to look you up as they are going through similar experiences).
I am truly honored to have read Andrews letter to Allie. Beautiful.
Thank you.

Carmen said...

Jenny I thought this was the sweetest letter. Andrew is a good man, you can just see the love he has for his family in your pictures. I will never forget Allie, she will always have a special place in my heart...

Jennifer said...

Jenny, five years later, and you and your family continue to amaze me, with your continued sharing of your lives with the rest of the world, and the insight into the grief and the happiness that you feel every day. Hearing from Andrew was something that I didn't ever think would happen, just from what you have said about his "behind the scenes" preferences. It was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful baby.

Dawn said...

Oh Goodness Jenny! Andrew is an AWESOME guy!

I need a HUUUUGE box of kleenex!! /sigh!

What a great guy you got there!!

May God keep blessing you all!

~Dawn

Kimberly said...

Yes, Kleenex was needed! Such a sweet letter to a beautiful angel from her loving Daddy.

Thank you so much for sharing his letter with us.

Hugs to you.
Kimberly

Kimmi said...

I have followed your blog occasionally over the years. the last time I read an entry was probably about a year ago and I don't really know what drew me to it this week of all weeks. Probably, that what you have experienced and shared with the world has touched me as well as so many others. You and your family is amazing.

Ashley, sucka! said...

Touching, heartfelt and beautiful. I know she's smiling down and watching over you all. Tears...

Keri said...

Wow! I am sobbing now. The love he has for not only Allie, but for you, Maggie and baby Katie is palpable through his writing.

The love a father has for his daughter(s) is like no other.

Missy said...

Oh my goodness...it took me 10 mins to be able to see my screen. You both a a true testament to how we all should live our lives. Allie would be so proud of the both of you! Beautiful letter Andrew

Goodies for Mom said...

You are an amazing father!! Big hugs!!!

stephanie T said...

what a sweet letter to allie, i am sure she was smiling when she read it- i cannot imagine the pain of a loss like this!

Andrea and Rob said...

Heartbreakingly beautiful. His words are straight from the heart and you can hear that.