Saturday, May 1, 2010

Finding Me Again

I cannot thank you all enough for the kind words, support and encouragement you have provided after my "Fog" post. That was a real challenge for me. It's a vulnerability I don't like to show and it was not easy to put myself out there like that. I appreciate that you all spoke so lovingly and provided me with a safe haven to express my emotions.

Last summer, I had a tough time with a situation that I can't really share here. It changed me. I became bitter, hurt, and gunshy. I was resentful of my work taking time from my family. I didn't handle my stresses well, and I became a person that was not always easy to deal with. I *thought* I was covering it up better than I was. I chalked it up to pregnancy and hoped everyone else would do. Some did. Some did not and I had some relationships affected because of it.

The baby was born and life changed again. Then the postpartum depression set it, and you know what happened then. Doing that blog post was my first step in admitting that I finally wanted to change. I wanted to find me again. The one that didn't hold grudges and wasn't unhappy most of the time. The one who had passion and enthusiasm in her life. I wanted me back.

I think I'm finding me again.

I started Lexapro a few weeks ago. It's helping. A lot. I'm really busy at work right now, but surprisingly not stressed. I'm connecting with the mission and the organization in a way that I haven't in a while. I'm feeling refreshed. I'm engaging more with my kids and I'm happier in my marriage and relationship with Andrew.

I've had a cold lately that resulted in me losing my voice. My girlfriend Christie who knows everything I've been going through told me, "Wow, you sound like crap but you really sound good. I mean your SPIRIT sounds good."

My spirit feels good. And for that, I'm happy.

26 comments:

syaprods said...

So glad to hear it, Jenny. It's a struggle, isn't it? But so very worth it. I, as always, am pulling for you from afar.

Jamie said...

Yay! Thank you for being vulnerable...and I'm so glad you are getting help! Hang in there...life is a bumpy ride, as you well know! But, you can do it..I know you can!

Minivan Mom said...

Love you so much sweetie, no matter what your mood. xoxo Love to see you happy again.

tricia said...

Amen! So happy for you.

Krista said...

I'm so happy that you are feeling better. Prozac was my friend when I had PPD and it helped so much. I also read Brooke Shields book on it and it made me feel like I wasn't alone.

Bonny said...

Better living through chemistry. And I should know -- I'm married to a professor of organic chem.

Lyndsay said...

So glad to hear of better days!

Sugar Photography said...

so glad to see this.

love you!

Jes said...

Lexapro was my savior a few years ago. It helped so much that even my husband noticed a huge change in me. He didn't know I was on it. Long story.

Tammy said...

So happy for you Jenny, you deserve happiness! Hugs from Fort Worth!

Emma said...

You are definitely not alone. As someone who started Lexapro 6 months after the birth of my daughter I can definitely relate to the "fog" and the dramatic improvement that came about after I started the medication. I felt like me again. I am so glad you found your spirit and are able to once again enjoy your life and all the people in it. Best wishes.

Brittany..Following my Bliss said...

I'm happy your fog is lifting and you are feeling more like yourself!

Myshel said...

Oh Jenny, I am so glad you are doing better. You are an amazing, wonderful strong women, and you are a fantastic mom. I am so glad that you realized you needed some help, and took control. Lexapro worked wonders for me when I had PPD with our 3rd, she was premie and it took a toll on me. It def. helped a ton. I am so glad that you opened up to us, and we were able to help support you. Keep on rockin Jenny. Your strength even thru the hard times is amazing. Big hugs girl.

Amy said...

I'm so happy to hear that things are improving. It really is hard for us to put our personal struggles out there, even just with our close friends, much less our cyber-friends. Surrounding ourselves with our strongest supporters is so important.
You are brave and strong, and I know you'll fight through this and the fog will be completely lifted and relationships healed.
Hugs and Blessings...

Kylee said...

Glad to hear you feel more like yourself!

. said...

I am so thrilled you sought help and are starting to feel better again!!

((((HUGS)))) Laura

Me said...

So relieved :) xoxoxo

Katherine said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better. I've been following the Fog comments closely because I'm having a similar problem except I'm pregnant now, with my 3rd. I've always been unusually happy during my 1st two pregnancies so I don't know what's going on. I've been afraid that when the baby blues hit they'll bury me. I've resisted the thought of meds and haven't really even told anyone how I feel, but after reading all the comments and your story I think I'd better talk to my doctor about being ready to start some medication after the birth. So thank you for sharing, it's helped me.

One crazed mommy said...

So happy to hear that you are feeling better - there is nothing worse than not feeling like yourself. Hope things continue to get better for you and that your Spirit continues to thrive. :)

JustJn said...

so glad to hear you are feeling happy again and finding your old self. being a woman is hard work, then you add in the stresses of a family, marriage, work, and life in general and it's enough to make anyone a little crazy and if someone tells you otherwise they are lying! your family is beautiful, the work you do everyday is amazing and i am so happy that you are happy.

snekcip said...

Celebrating the FOG LIFT and High kicking for Happier days for you!!!

LisaWV said...

Hurray for a happier you! I'm so glad. Your girls are gorgeous, too... and they clearly get that from you. What a lovely picture under "my happiness". I'm glad you are finding your way out of a fog, and I think it's wonderful that you are taking care of yourself in this way. Good for you!

Robin said...

Great news!

Angie said...

Loved reading this!

Lea said...

Congratulations Jenny. I'm so glad you were able to "lift the fog". It has always amazed me at how medication can help in that way, and I'm so glad it does. Glad you can get back to being you again.

Hope said...

Jenn, so happy that you are feeling better and life is coming back to you. Depression can so suck the life out of you in so many subtle ways.

Kathryn, there is a form of depression that is similar to post partum depression but is indeed pre partum depression. I pray you have had that conversation with your dr because there are things they can do to help alleviate that for you. Never feel as if you have to suffer in silence.