I cannot thank you all enough for the kind words, support and encouragement you have provided after my "Fog" post. That was a real challenge for me. It's a vulnerability I don't like to show and it was not easy to put myself out there like that. I appreciate that you all spoke so lovingly and provided me with a safe haven to express my emotions.
Last summer, I had a tough time with a situation that I can't really share here. It changed me. I became bitter, hurt, and gunshy. I was resentful of my work taking time from my family. I didn't handle my stresses well, and I became a person that was not always easy to deal with. I *thought* I was covering it up better than I was. I chalked it up to pregnancy and hoped everyone else would do. Some did. Some did not and I had some relationships affected because of it.
The baby was born and life changed again. Then the postpartum depression set it, and you know what happened then. Doing that blog post was my first step in admitting that I finally wanted to change. I wanted to find me again. The one that didn't hold grudges and wasn't unhappy most of the time. The one who had passion and enthusiasm in her life. I wanted me back.
I think I'm finding me again.
I started Lexapro a few weeks ago. It's helping. A lot. I'm really busy at work right now, but surprisingly not stressed. I'm connecting with the mission and the organization in a way that I haven't in a while. I'm feeling refreshed. I'm engaging more with my kids and I'm happier in my marriage and relationship with Andrew.
I've had a cold lately that resulted in me losing my voice. My girlfriend Christie who knows everything I've been going through told me, "Wow, you sound like crap but you really sound good. I mean your SPIRIT sounds good."
My spirit feels good. And for that, I'm happy.