My little gymnasts

Hmmmm.....

I've had this opened for 20 minutes.  Stare at the screen.  Watch Big Bang Theory.  Stare at the screen.  Check Facebook. 

I have no blog topic.  Hmm....

So, for now, I'll just say HI *waving to everyone*

Independence

This is from a series of tweets I did on Friday morning--

It's taken me over 18 months since my ex left, but I'm finally feeling like a much more independent woman who doesn't need a man to help 

I was completely dependent on my ex-husband. When he left, I was terrified because I thought I needed him to make it. Finding I just need ME 

Now, I've learned that I don't need a man or anyone else. I need me and #Igotthisshit. #independentbitch

(almost done, I promise)...and while I don't need a man, I really like the one I've got. I want him in my life. Much healthier balance.

Lately, with the house on the market, home with the kids, stressed out about what will happened next, I've done a lot of self reflection.  I've thought about how different it is from before.  As I said in that tweet, I was completely dependent on A.  There was so much that I was fully reliant on A to get done for our home or family.  I didn't even try.  I wasn't a good wife in a lot of respects.  I see the stress I put on him for that. I see that I put everything into my work at Heroes for Children and my time as a mother that I didn't do other things.  He complained at times and I would try. 

It took A leaving me for me to become the woman he wanted me to be. 

Now, it all falls to me. Boyfriend helps when he can, but it's not always something that he can do given our time apart.  If the yard needs mowed, I have to do it if he can't get over here.  I handle everything regarding our finances, home maintenance, decisions with the house, activities with the kids, etc.  I'm bone tired by the end of the day and doing a little more stress eating these days.  It's liberating though. Funny how that works though--I think if he hadn't left me, I wouldn't have changed.  I might have stayed that wife/woman I was before and not bettered myself or my family.  It would have been too easy to stay the same (because, let's face it, change is HARD).  Now, I know I'm a better woman because of the work I've been forced to do on myself.

Boyfriend hasn't been around here much.  Due to conflicting kid schedules (I have not yet met his daughters), times out of town and his hectic work life right now, time with  him is sparse.  When we are together, we have fun and enjoy the girls.  I should see him once or twice this week and the girls and I spent a very rare weekend with him which was great. 

I've discovered I CAN do this.  

"I've got this shit" has been my mantra for over a year and a half.  Some days, I didn't actually believe it.  It was a weak statement or almost a question "I got this shit?" all while thinking I didn't really.  Now, I know I do.  I can do this.  We will hopefully move in the next 30 days (send all your good vibes, mojo, happy thoughts, prayers, etc as some things are in the works with the house) and start off on our new adventure together.  I'm excited to have a new home that is for me and the girls.  Something little that I can maintain easier and have more financial stability.  I will get rid of my minivan to hopefully lower my outrageous car payments (long story but there is so much UGH there!).

I'm an independent woman now who is loved by a wonderful man and has two happy, healthy kids.  I've got this shit.  

Refresh

For most people, January 1st marks a fresh start.  It's a time for new year's resolutions and starting over.  For me, my year is more summer to summer.  Maybe it's the teacher in me that likes the fresh start at the beginning of the school year.  More specifically though, it's from one week of Camp Discovery to the following the next summer.

It's my refresh button. 

Going to Camp Discovery has now been my summer tradition for eight summers.  I have served as the Arts and Crafts Director since I was pregnant with Maggie. I'm not particularly crafty or artistic, but I can run the room and help the kids make some cool projects. I love it.  I'll be honest--I have the cushiest job at camp.  I get to be in an air conditioned room all day.  I see all cabins and visit with all the kids throughout the week.  I don't sleep in a cabin bunkhouse with kids and I don't have a lot of stress.  The arts and crafts people work really hard and we help out throughout the week with other things such as running a game during night activities or being on the clean up crew for most nights.  It's the best. 

Each year, it's a reality check.  Life has been tough for me in various ways, but it's NOTHING in comparison to what some of these kids have been through. I feel like I've focused more on my stress lately.  There has been plenty, but truthfully, I can't complain. 

I have my health.  My children are healthy and happy.  They're thriving.  I have a great career.  I have love.  I have strong friendships that I appreciate.  My mother, grandmother, and brother are a source of strength, comfort, and support. 

The button has been pressed.  REFRESH

Top Ten Reasons This Summer Is Better Than Last

This summer is full of STRESS.  Lots going on and so much that consumes both me and Boyfriend. However, it is by far a million times better than last summer.

Here's ten reasons why--

1. I don't hurt so badly that it hurts to breathe anymore.  I am happy and have found peace. 
2. Maggie isn't having 8 to 10 meltdowns a day over every.little.thing. because she can't process her emotions from the divorce.  She's a happy child who daily gives love and kisses. 
3. I am in love. 
4. Paris reminded me why I love the French language and teaching others to love it so much. 
5. There is a beach vacation on our horizon!
6. Life still has many uncertainties around here, but they are easier to deal with than the ones of last summer. 
7. Boyfriend was swimming in the pool with us at the annual fourth of July pool party.  There were a few moments I just stopped and smiled watching him with the girls
8. Pinterest entertains me when it's quiet in the house at night.  
9. Katie is freaking hilarious and keeps Maggie and I laughing at all times.  
10. After a month of being terrified of the water, Maggie started swimming this week!  Maybe now she'll actually let us use our pool more! 

This summer--just the beginning.  So much more to come!