Tuesday, July 24, 2012


This is from a series of tweets I did on Friday morning--

It's taken me over 18 months since my ex left, but I'm finally feeling like a much more independent woman who doesn't need a man to help 

I was completely dependent on my ex-husband. When he left, I was terrified because I thought I needed him to make it. Finding I just need ME 

Now, I've learned that I don't need a man or anyone else. I need me and .

(almost done, I promise)...and while I don't need a man, I really like the one I've got. I want him in my life. Much healthier balance.

Lately, with the house on the market, home with the kids, stressed out about what will happened next, I've done a lot of self reflection.  I've thought about how different it is from before.  As I said in that tweet, I was completely dependent on A.  There was so much that I was fully reliant on A to get done for our home or family.  I didn't even try.  I wasn't a good wife in a lot of respects.  I see the stress I put on him for that. I see that I put everything into my work at Heroes for Children and my time as a mother that I didn't do other things.  He complained at times and I would try. 

It took A leaving me for me to become the woman he wanted me to be. 

Now, it all falls to me. Boyfriend helps when he can, but it's not always something that he can do given our time apart.  If the yard needs mowed, I have to do it if he can't get over here.  I handle everything regarding our finances, home maintenance, decisions with the house, activities with the kids, etc.  I'm bone tired by the end of the day and doing a little more stress eating these days.  It's liberating though. Funny how that works though--I think if he hadn't left me, I wouldn't have changed.  I might have stayed that wife/woman I was before and not bettered myself or my family.  It would have been too easy to stay the same (because, let's face it, change is HARD).  Now, I know I'm a better woman because of the work I've been forced to do on myself.

Boyfriend hasn't been around here much.  Due to conflicting kid schedules (I have not yet met his daughters), times out of town and his hectic work life right now, time with  him is sparse.  When we are together, we have fun and enjoy the girls.  I should see him once or twice this week and the girls and I spent a very rare weekend with him which was great. 

I've discovered I CAN do this.  

"I've got this shit" has been my mantra for over a year and a half.  Some days, I didn't actually believe it.  It was a weak statement or almost a question "I got this shit?" all while thinking I didn't really.  Now, I know I do.  I can do this.  We will hopefully move in the next 30 days (send all your good vibes, mojo, happy thoughts, prayers, etc as some things are in the works with the house) and start off on our new adventure together.  I'm excited to have a new home that is for me and the girls.  Something little that I can maintain easier and have more financial stability.  I will get rid of my minivan to hopefully lower my outrageous car payments (long story but there is so much UGH there!).

I'm an independent woman now who is loved by a wonderful man and has two happy, healthy kids.  I've got this shit.  


tricia said...

As i read your blog, I was so happy for you. You sound so much stronger than you ever have. you could have sunk into a deep depression(not saying there wasn't depressing moments after the breakup)but instead you did what you had to for you and the girls. i'm sure you struggled but look at you now....you are flourishing! you "got this"....you most certainly do.

Dawn said...

I am at about the same place you are, but it took me longer to get there. I knew there were issues and we were in counseling, but he was having an affair while we were in counseling. It was so traumatic because I was blindsided thinking we were working on our marriage while he knew the whole time it was all a lie. Anyway, I hit rock bottom and am now getting my Sh** together. I know how tough it is and admire how strong you have been through it. You have been an inspiration to alot of people in a similar situation. I am no where near dating due to trust issues, but someday I will be ready. I get to decide when that someday will be because I am independent. Somedays I want someone else to worry about the lawn, but most days I'm glad I've come through on the other side stronger.

Amanda said...

Love this! So glad you have found you and the independence as well. You are so strong--always have been. And you know--you've got this!!!

Kirsten said...

Progress, evolution, and knowing you don't have a choice makes you a stronger person. :) I'm so excited that you are finding *you*. Good luck on the house selling and finding that little place that is more manageable. I'm in that position and I love knowing I have an 1100 sq ft house to maintain.

Alexis said...

Jenny, I have read your blog for years but don't think I have ever commented. Now as I go through my own separation I feel motivated to chime in and say that you do, indeed, have this shit. Rock on.

Piglet said...

Hi Jenny-

I've read your blog for so long that I feel like I know you. I know how significant giraffes are to you and so of course you are the very person I thought of when I saw this on pinterest:

Best of luck always, -Susan

Robin said...

Always knew you could! I was always pretty independent as I didn't get married until I was 35. However there were things I still didn't know how to do when we separated. It's amazing what we CAN do if we have to. Someitmes it's nice not to have to though but great that we can! If that makes sense.

Marlo said...

Hi Jenny,

I too have followed your story for quite some time but never really commented. I am to faced with a similar situation that you have just gone through - divorce with 2 kids 12 yrs old and 9 yrs old. I am amazed at how strong you are and truly feel hope when reading your post. I don't want to bring up any old feelings but if you could offer any advice, I would love to have some from someone who has gone through this. Please feel free to email me at marlocarter05@gmail.com

Thanks and keep rocking it!

Lindsey said...

Jen..You've got this! I am too A ivorced single mother of two and would cry about how was I gonna do this without him! I made it I did it and I am a better person for it. I was taught strength that I never knew I had ans so much more! You Got this shit and we are both living proof! Go do something wonderful for yourself or you and the girls maybe a pedi! That is always a sure way to making things just a bit better! Or paint pottery with the girls or make canvas paintings so many fun cheap things to do with the girls especially on Pinterest:) Look for me Lindsey Moore!

Lindsey said...

Dawn we are in the same boat thaT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!