Sunday, August 12, 2012


If you've been a follower of this blog for a while, you know that dates on the calendar mean a lot to me. I can be rendered unable to function, stricken by sadness, from a particular date. September 13th is and may always be my worst day of the year. The day my beautiful baby died (can it really be almost 8 years???) in my arms. December 17th--Allie's birthday. April 4th--my father's death. May 3rd--the day the world stopped when we heard our baby might have leukemia. There are also those happy dates in my life that bring immeasurable joy too. 

So, you would think that August 9th would be a new added calendar date for me to get anxious over. August 9, 2011, I walked into a courtroom and finalized my divorce.

I didn't realize I had past the one year mark of my divorce until the day after because I was having too much fun that day with the people I love most in the world.

A former coworker of mine let me use their family condo last week in Rockport, TX.  The girls, Boyfriend and I made a seven hour drive down to the coast.  It wasn't always a perfect vacation and had it's moments of stress (hi, we took a toddler on a road trip.  Enough said), but it was a good week overall.

On the day of the one year mark, we took the girls to Corpus Christi for what ended up being my favorite day of the entire summer.  We spent six hours at the Texas State Aquarium.  The dolphin show was first up, completely soaking us head to toe!  The girls were a mess of giggles afterwards and we spent over thirty minutes watching the dolphins in the underground viewing area.  Sissy was most fascinated by the otters.  The kids had Boyfriend and me in tears laughing so hard watching them play at the splash pad.  At one point, I tweeted that my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  Dinner afterwards was perfect.  Maggie hugged me throughout the day, declaring it the best of her summer.  She thanked us profusely for taking her and even willingly went to bed early, tired from the day's fun.

It wasn't until the next day as we were driving home that I started thinking about all that I need to do before I go back to work on August 20th.  I was thinking of everything that I need done with the house, the Heroes for Children 5K, play time with the kids, etc.  I began mentally preparing my to do list as I was driving (poor MM had to work on his laptop the entire drive down and back).  I wanted to figure out how much time I had left and thought hard about what day it was.  Then it hit me.  It was August 10th.  I didn't even remember the August 9th date.  I hadn't obsessed about it or allowed it to become another date that made me anxious.  I didn't notice. 

That, my friends, is HEALING.


Unknown said...

There is such a sense of freedom when slowly the calendar does not rule a day or the mood. Clear signs that being present in the things that are happening today are so much more important than the events of the past. Even signifigant dates/moments, that changed you, broke you down and built you up brought you to the wonderful place that you are today. God blessed the broked road.
I read Allie's entire blog ironically on the day that she passed away and have followed you ever since. As a perfect stranger, I am so proud of you and the woman in you that you have found through horrible things that should never have to happen to anyone. You did not let them defeat or define you. You made changes in your life and in others that matter, that changed peoples lives.
There is something amazing in having someone elses love and the feeling of security that it brings, but KNOWING that you have your shit together and you are strong enough to roll with the punches and bend when the wind blows means that you are an indepenent woman. You got this shit!! (Having MM there is a nice bonus)

Much love from a long time lurker. I am so happy for you.


Tina said...

So glad to hear things are going well for you and the girls. I wish you continued happiness.


Esther said...

For some reason, I remembered the date of your divorce. Like you, dates affect me like crazy, and they always stick in my head. And since that same week was my last week with Homer, the week Greg asked me to cohabitate, and the week my stepmother donated a kidney, it was a very pivotal week in my family. I thought about you on the 9th and was so happy to see happy tweets and facebook posts. So proud of you for making it through yet another insanely difficult situation. You are amazing.

tricia said...

There was an error when sending my last message, I said that it was great to read that another day on the calendar didn't cripple you and that it must have been awesome when you realized it. Have a great school year!

Michelle said...

I'm so happy to hear you guys had a great vacation. I'm also happy to see you are healing that the date didn't get you!! I definitely can say dates get me too. I hope you guys continue to enjoy your summer :)


Ms. Sarah said...

that is true healing. Good for you!

Crystal Michelle said...

So this may be weird.. but I am Crystal Michelle, I actually followed your blog from day 1 to the day your angel got her wings, I cried with you and didnt even know you.. Every time I see a giraffe I think of your baby.. Is this weird? hahaha sorry if it is. Well I am a photographer now and I offer free photoshoots to familes with sick babies and I just did one with a little girl named Kaitlyn fighting Blood Cancer (she is in remission right now! Whoo Hoooo) but it made me think of you.. So I googled and I found you & added you to my blog list. :) Your girls are breath taking! Keep it up mama.. we all go through rough spots in life & you know what you will come out stronger in the end. Chin up buttercup - Crystal Michelle - &

Lyndsay said...

That makes me smile.

Mimi said...

just wondering do you see or speak to Sam and his family? Just wondering how they are doing.....thanks

Euphoric Journey said...

Wow... my dear jenny, I followed you with Allie years ago with at the time I had fairly young twin boys C&C and an older son named skyler...

I have to let you know... Your an inspiration to me even more now.. My oldest son skyler was just recently diagnosed on 9.7.12 with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.. I am living my life through Facebook posting updates daily.. Feel free to come visit us and support skyler..

I dont want to come off as spammy, but please share? I read to skyler everyones posts, it lifts him up!

I cant say I'm living your exact pain... but I am feeling exactly how you felt... God bless

Evangeline Fisher