Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Negative Mom Thoughts

 What is it about moms that we compare ourselves to others and then decide we don't measure up?  Why do we focus on the negative of our parenting?  I know I have plenty of negatives as a parent--I don't cook frequently for my kids.  I don't make elaborate crafts with them or cut their sandwiches into cool shapes.  I haven't taught my 9 year old how to ride a bike (I've tried a few times and we've both ended up frustrated with the other and gave up).  In the mornings, I rush them and get aggravated when we walk out the door later than we would like.  The list could go on....

Recently, I read something on one of my late night unable to sleep Pinterest binges that really resonated with me.  I was having a particularly challenging evening after a temper tantrum by the five year that left me angry and exhausted.  I was lying in bed thinking negative thoughts about my parenting.  Then, I read this....

Parent tips

WAIT!  I do those things!  Maybe the nutritious lunch isn't in some cool shape, but it is healthy and I regulate how much junk they eat.   Dinner time is rarely anywhere but the kitchen table where we discuss our positives and negatives of the day.  Our date nights with individual girls have been so much fun this year.

Maybe I'm just too hard on myself.   

I don't do everything perfect.  I won't.  This was a good reminder that while I might not always feel like I'm doing everything well (you know, this saying "Behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up"), my kids are getting things that they need from me.  Ultimately, they are loved and I know I am loved back.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only moms who needs this reminder sometimes (PS--Have the tissues ready)


PapillionMom said...

Oh Jenny, you are not screwing it up. I've followed your blog since May 2004 and never once have you seemed like anything other than an awesome mom who would do anything for her children!!
I have one kiddo who has challenged every cell in my body at least twice and he continues to do it--daily, sometimes hourly--and he's almost 12. I can remember temper tantrums, arguing, negotiating, tears, etc. And you know after reflecting on the event, the one thing it almost always came back to was the lack of control. Not mine, but his. He needed to be in control of certain parts of his day. Our morning routine went from my constant pushing, to me stepping back and giving him the space to do what needed to get done. This was hard for me. I'm a control freak, type A personality but once I could walk away, his attitude changed so much. HIs sister is 5 years older than he is and the polar opposite in terms of personality, motivation, etc. I'm not sure where I'm going with this comment, other than to're an awesome lady.

One crazed mommy said...

I feel you Jenny- I am always beating myself up feeling like number 1 bad mom...but then I look at the list and see that most of them I do - I could work a little better on some of them, but out of a list of 10, I hit 8 pretty not perfect, but not too bad. I guess we will always be our own worst critics. No mom is perfect, and given that kids have no instruction manual, given that each has their own unique challenges, you are doing great! And I'm sure I am too...even when I question myself. They are healthy, smart and kind hearted, so I must be doing something right. I see your girls smiling faces, and all the amazing adventures you have together, and know you are too. : )

One crazed mommy said...

Just to add another 10 year old son saw a "bug" in the hallway last night and got scared, so he asked if he could sleep on the floor in our bedroom. So, I said yes...I got in bed, and was facing toward the middle of the bed away from him, when all of a sudden I feel this hand grab mine - he was reaching up from the floor, and just wanted to hold my hand...made me realize, that even when he calls me "mean mom" or yells "that's not fair" he still wants to go to sleep holding my hand. Kinda made me teary eyed...sweet fella! :)

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