I never thought I would blog this, but Andrew and I are currently separated. It's been ten weeks. Out of respect for him and what he is going through in all this as well as for my kids, I won't go into details. I'll just say that I have been deeply saddened and hurt by this turn of events in my life.
I'm surviving and holding up as best as I can. I don't know where we will go next in this journey. I know no matter what, I'll come out a better person and that I can make it through this.
Feel stupid after my blog post a few months ago about how giddy, happy, and in love I was. Thing is, it's got to be mutual to work well. It wasn't.
82 comments:
I am so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you.
Sending my love and support to all of you.
Jenny - You will be in my thoughts and I am sending you strength and love as you go through this.
Jenny, I've been following your blog for a long time(just realized it's been 7 years - wow) and I'm so very, very sorry to hear you're going through this. Thinking of you and sending you lots of good thoughts.
Oh my. It has been a while since I've commented on your blog but know that I will be praying for you.
Sorry to hear this. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am shocked and saddened by your news. I am so sorry.
I'm a longtime follower of yours. I'm sorry to learn of the recent road your journey has lead you, I never saw that coming. I wish you the best of luck and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are a strong woman, and a great mom from what I can tell by reading your stuff over the years. The road might be bumpy but I bet you'll make it through. Hugs.
Jenny,
I'm a long time follower of your blog as well. I'm SO shocked and saddened by this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I too was shocked by this news. But remember this, no matter what the outcome, this will make you a stronger person.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
Hugs, Karen
Oh no Jenny...I don't even know what to say...I am beyond shocked and so sad for you and the girls.
I hope this is a temporary thing...I just can't imagine the two of you working it out.
I've been following you since Allie...ugh this is just heartbreaking.
Sending you strength and hugs
Kia
Oh Jenny! I feel so sick to my stomach reading this. I am so very, very sorry. You, the girls, and Andrew will all be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm hoping that you'll be able to pull through this together and stronger than ever. If not, I pray that you'll still pull through and be stronger. Sending much love and hugs your way.
Love,
Stacy
I meant to say I can imagine the two of you NOT working it out...sheesh I'm just so stunned by this that I can't even type properly.
My heart is heavy for you my unmet friend. I have cheered you on, cried for you and now my hope is that your journey not matter where it leads , finds you strong and happy.
Hugs
Kia
Jenny,
First, thank you for sharing with us. You have poured your heart out to us for so long, and I count it an honor to read your words knowing your heart is behind them.
I am praying for you and Andrew. You both are loved and cherished as are your three beauties, and Brandy :)
Much love to all of you as you tread this road,
Heather
I am so very sorry to read this Jenny. You've been through so much, and you'll get through this as well. Having gone through this myself this past year, know it's not easy. All the best and hang in there.
Jenny,
I am so sorry (((((((HUGS))))))). You are one of the most amazing people that I "know" and to know that you are in pain kills me! I am praying for all of you and hope that you get your un answered questions answered and that no matter what happens, you will be able to pull through as a stronger women.
Beck
Oh Jenny... I'm so sorry. I'm another who has followed since the beginning of 'Scott Household', and we've all watched (and cheered and prayed and cried and smiled) as we watched you do amazing things. From HFC, to being an amazing mom and friend, to melting yourself away in hot yoga, we've watched you persevere and conquer. While I can't imagine your hurt and pain right now, I do know that you will emerge on the other side even stronger.
((hugs))
Jenny - I'm so sorry! I am stunned, and saddened to hear about this. Know that you and your family are in my prayers - I hope only the best will come out of this sad situation. Hugs to you!
JennG
I started reading your blog in 2003 when I was pregnant with my first child who was born in June 2004. I cried with the rest of the world when you lost Allie, and I celebrated when you announced the birth of your children. You are once again in my thoughts and while I know these words don't do justice, I hope things work out for you and your family. You are a strong woman, a wonderful mother, and an even better person. I know that I don't 'know' you but I've read your words for years and know that bad things happen to good people.
You're in my thoughts.....
I feel exactly like the poster above me. I have followed you since 2003--around the time I had my first son. I don't check in on this blog regularly, but oddly enough, I DID check it yesterday. You've always spoken so highly and kindly of Andrew...I know he is a wonderful father and you've been through a lot. I hope you can work it out so that everyone is happy...however that may be. Peace and love to you all.
I am so sorry Jenny. So very sorry. You are thought of and prayed for.
I am so sorry. What a crushing blow. You know that we are all hugging you right now. Good luck!
Kristi
I so sorry to hear about this turn of events Jenny. After following your journey for so long, I was shocked and saddened to read those words. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Same here as Molly and Nikki, I'm not good with words, but I feel the same way, been following your story since 03, I'll be praying for you, you are one of the last I thought would be saying this, you have been thru so much together! Hugs from Fort Worth. My prayers are with your family Jenny.
Oh Jenny, I'm so so sorry you are going
thru this. I hope nothing but the best for you
and your girls.
Sonia
Jenny, I'm sure you recogize my name by now (lol) but like the first few posters, I have been following you since early 2004 when Allie was diagnosed....I had my baby girl in March 2004 so I found you through a prayer thread in my ivillage expecting club. Since I started reading "scotthousehold.com" i can say that I've become a better person, mother and wife. You have taught me so much in these past few years, it's incredible. Even though I don't "know" you, I feel like you are part of my family. I always check for your updates, and this was one I too, was hoping I would NEVER see. So unexpected, but like everyone else said, I truly hope that whatever the outcome is, YOU will be happy in the end. You have 2 beautiful girls and your angel Allie and a wonderful family for support and I'm sure they'll see you through this. You are stronger than stronger, and like you said, you'll come out a better person and you WILL make it through this. Praying and hoping for a "happier" update.....(((((HUGS))))
I have been a long time follower of yours. Although I've never posted a comment before I felt compelled to do so to tell you how sorry I am for what you and your family are going through. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
jenn
My heart goes out to you and Andrew. Whatever happens I know you will be a better person. Just keep on believing that one day you will know why this is happening.
Hugs, Karen
Thinking of you...praying for your strength...
I'm another one of those "blog stalkers" who has kept up with you over the years without responding. But I just had to say something now. I am so sorry for what you are going through. But don't ever feel stupid about what you wrote about being giddy in love earlier, because that's what you were feeling at the time (yeah, kinda swiped that from a famous quote, lol).
Hang in there, Jenny. Give those beautiful girls lots of love. Be kind to yourself. I will be thinking of you.
ditto everyone else above move! I tried to post yesterday...stinking blogger, so I was glad when it was up and running today so that I could post my support! ((hugs))
Jenny,
i'm so sorry sweetie, you guys have been through so very much and i hope this is something you can work out together.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.
Theresa.
Jenny, I too have "known" you since BabyCenter days back when we were both pregnant... I even have a pic on my fridge of Allie in a little nightgown I mailed to her in the hospital. I don't really know what to say other than I am thinking about you all and I am so sorry! I will be praying hard for you as I have many times in the past. You are the strongest woman I know. Big hugs from SC.
I, too, have followed you since the "scotthousehold" days. I pray for peace for your family. I know you have gone private in other social outlets, but I hope you will consider posting updates here every once in a while. But understand if you don't.
Jacquie in AZ
Love you, friend.
You and Andrew went through a devastating loss, while the two of you were very young. I have also followed your story since Allie was diagnosed. I am an aged grandmother, so please take this in the loving, concerned way I mean it; I was never sure that the two of you had worked through your loss together. I so hope that your marriage can be rejuvenated and that you two can continue your life together.
All the best Jenny.
Jenny,
Like everyone else, I have followed since 2003. I came here today just to "check in" and was so sad to read that update. Sending many prayers and positive thoughts for you as you and Andrew work through this time in your lives.
Amy
PS- Not sure if you deleted all unknown Twitter followers or not, but if you didn't, can you allow me to follow you again? Momandmonkeys, thank you.
Here I am as another longtime follower of yours since Allie. So sorry to hear of this difficult time for you and your family. Words will never be enough to help ease your pain and uncertainty but I do hope you remember how many people are thinking of you and praying for strength.
I've been following your blog for years - I am so sorry to hear this news. (((hugs))) Jenny.
andrea
Jenny,
This post was so hard to read, so I can only imagine how hard it was for you to write... I hope that you and Andrew somehow find a way to circle back to each other (it that's what's meant to be). Either way, I know from your writing how strong you are...I've been a "follower" since the Scotthousehold days. Remember, though, that even the strongest among us cry and lose it sometimes. I know you've been through the worst imaginable, but hopefully this is "fixable."
You are in my thoughts and I'm sending you all positive vibes. You deserve the best, so whatever happens, I hope that happiness awaits you.
Lauren
I am very sorry to hear this news. Sending prayers for strength to get you through which ever path you two decide to take.
Jenny,
Like a lot of the other comments, I have followed you since the "scotthousehold" blog and followed Allie's story.
I was devasted to hear the news of you and Andrew. You two have been through so much together! Hopefully it is something that can be worked out with time! If not, remember everything happens for a reason. Like all of the other things you have been through, you will come out of this stronger than you already are!
Stay strong for those beautiful girls of yours!
Karen
P.S. Amy ^(above)^ I think Jenny deleted some of her twitter followers. I can no longer see her tweets either. Would love to though....
Jenny, I am so very sorry to read of your unfortunate turn of events. I cannot express the words that are on the tip of my tongue, but the other posters have put them out there for you. As I do not "know" your personally, I feel like you are a part of my very extended family. I have been following along on your journey since Allie was a baby, and have had a place for you in my heart ever since. You are an incredibly strong and loving woman. Just know that we are all here for you in whatever capacity you need us to be. We love you and my prayers are coming to you all that this journey will leave every one involved with the happiness that they deserve. I am praying that this will be / can be fixed and you and Andrew become stronger and continue to love each other.
Jenny...I am SO SO sorry! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I agree with what has been said above....that bad things happen to good people. Things have a way of working out for the best.
Hang in there!
Jenny... I too have been following you since Baby Center and am now following minivan mom as well. My brother is also going through a divorce and has a daughter. It is difficult to see as his sister. Hold on to your "posse." You seem to be very strong and don't let this steal any of your confidence. I enjoyed following you on twitter for awhile and I hope you find your way through this time with your daughters. All the best!
Jenny,
Please feel the love from all of those around you...your family, friends (both close to you and via the internet!). Totally understandable why you don't want to go into details and PLEASE don't feel stupid about your blog post...life is a journey. Unfortunately we are all reminded of that from time to time. Allie may have led us (the internet-universe) to you and your story - but we stayed because of you...your strength, your humor, your character. Please know you have many, many folks (me included!) who are rooting for you and will be here no matter what shape your family takes. I will hope for your happiness and peace.
((HUGS)) littlemac
Jenny,
All you can do is follow your heart and hope that things work out for the best. Good luck to you and Andrew.
I too miss seeing your tweets - you are an inspiration and often put a huge smile on my face.
TXMomma2twins
Count me in as a longtime reader starting from 2003 via Babycenter. I have not kept up regularly in recent years but seem to check in every now and then. I was shocked and saddened and angry (on your behalf) to read this news. Grief does crazy things to people, to relationships. Looking at the pictures of your beautiful girls, I desperately hope you and Andrew work this out. Might be the second hardest thing you ever do.
Jenny,
I have been reading since 2004 and I lack the eloquence to tell you how sorry I am.
Just know you have support out there. Even from strangers like me.
I know you have the strength to work through this, even though it sucks right now.
Sending you positive vibes. I wish you the best.
Jenny,
I am a blog stallker since the scotthousehold days as well. I am also a divorced mother of two beautiful daughters 7 and 9. It's not an easy decision to make but now that I am on the flip side of things I see my decision has been the best choice I could have made for my children. I hope you keep us updated on how you and your girls are doing.
Sending Love and Laughter
I have stalked since you guys were at scotthousehold.com. I fell head over heels in love with Allie. Your other 2 are pretty stinking loveable too!!
I honestly am heartbroken to hear this. Going thru the kinda stress you guys have lived with for years and years has to be so hard. I still have to believe if anyone could pull through and be stronger on the other end you both will. Grief is such a hard thing to do with someone. You both have grieved a gigantic loss and because grief is so individual... it leaves everyone at different stages and makes it difficult to understand each other. I know you had said that most marriages don't survive the trauma you have been through. Still, you have done the impossible. HFC is unbelievable and largely successful because of your will and hard work. Andrew, from my blog stalking, seems to truly love you and his family. Determination mixed with love = possibility. :o) I truly hope everything will work out. Regardless, I hope you both are, or at least will be, happy. Dear God you two deserve happiness. You really do. Praying for your family.
Jenny~ I have been following you since babycenter and scotthousehold days. I am so sad and sorry to read this. Please know that I am praying for you, Andrew and your beautiful girls.
Another longtime follower here who is saddened to hear this news. My prayers and positive thoughts will be with you and Andrew as you try and sort through this and also with your girls.
My wish for you is you find the happiness you deserve and keep believing in YOU! From all the years of following your blog, I know you will be stronger through all of this and will know what moves to make that are best for you and the Girls. I hope you check in with us as we will be thinking (and worrying) about you. Let us help get you through yet another tough time. Take care of you and again, you are in my prayers. Please, please, please do not forget to blog.......
I am sorry. You are a strong woman, you WILL come through this no matter how it resolves.
Same story as all the others..been following your blog since Allie & have marveled @ your's and Andrew's amazing strength. Such an inspiration, you were the two of you, to have to cope with a loss so devastating but then, to pick up the pieces, stick together through all that grief, continue to love on eachother through eachother's worst moments and go on to make two more beautiful babies. I'm so sorry things had to unravel like this, but is there any hope of a peaceful resolution between you two? You both seem like you're meant to be together. I know terrible tragedy and loss can drive the most loving couples apart..I'm still crossing my fingers for you two and hoping things can get back to how they were between you. That said, I know you must have your reasons for what happened and I will respect your ultimate decision and continue to keep praying for you guys. Hang in there. Big hugs & wish you strength at this (yet another) extremely trying time.
-Priya.
I'm so saddened that you are going thru this. Sounds like you were blindsided;that makes things that much more difficult as you have to deal with the 'shock of it all' on top of the reality. Stay strong and true to yourself and however this works out you will be a better person for it.
Jenny- I am so sorry to read this. Another one of your followers from the original blog about Allie. I would check for your posts anxiously each day and cried when you lost Allie. I was expecting my 6 year old then. I went through a near divorce with my husband. I won't go into details, but it was something HE wanted and not me. It was a very black time of my life. I did a lot of praying, a lot of working out and a lot of things for me. I pray that you get through this one way or another. I am SO sorry.
On a sad note, the reason I thought to check out your blog today, of all days, is that one of my daughter's school mates was diagnosed with Leukemia and I just found out. I feel pretty helpless right now, but want to do whatever I can. I don't even really know this girl and her family, but I'm almost in tears right now thinking of them.
Oh gosh, I didn't realize my husband had used my computer. I posted above and my name is Mary Anne, not James.
Jenny I'm so sorry. I never expected to read this. I'm so sad for you. I hope you can work things out....
Such a shock to read...I can only imagine what a shock it is for you to be a part of this separation, especially as it seems you were blind-sided by it. I am so sorry for you both. I will keep you and andrew in my thoughts and hope that you can find your way back to each other. You have been through SO much and are working/worked through it together, I hope you both can do the same for your marriage. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
Jenny,
I am another long-time follower since scotthousehold.com, and I have come here many times to leave a comment, but haven't had the right words.
Realized this morning I wanted to let you know of another person who is and always has prayed for your family. As one of your readers, that's all I have to offer, but I hope you get some small comfort from knowing that you had many unknown supporters during your darkest storm, and we will all support you during this one as well.
Hoping for the best possible outcome for you and Andrew, no matter how that ends up looking.
Another voice of support from out here in internet-land. Consider me another stranger/friend who will be thinking of you and wishing you only good things as you move forward. Many of us have walked a part of this road, and we are rooting for you.
All the best to your family.
I'm pulling so hard for you both!! I have read you since the time Allie was sick and I am hopeful for you two to find your way back to each other.
So many hugs...and hope!
I have been following for a long, long time. I never have left a comment but felt like now would be a time to. My heart sank when I read your last posting. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts, and I hope the best for you and Maggie, and Katie. I have also been following Tracey's blog as well, and see how awesome she is doing after coming out of her crappy year. So if things this year end up sucking bad. I know that you will overcome it and come out stronger, just as Tracey has seemed to. I don't know your and Andrew's circumstances but I wish you the best no matter what becomes of this.
Best wishes,
Tabitha
Have known you since babycenter days, very sorry to hear this. All the very best.
I too started reading about Allie in 2003. I was pregnant at the same time as you, and you were one month off from my 03 baby's birth month, and I heard about you on BBC. I was in Germany at the time, had no tv, and read about Allie all the time to fill my time. I also emailed friends and family and asked them to pray for Allie. I remember buying my 03 baby his Sophie when they were selling them for donations to Allie. I am so saddened to hear the news of you and Andrew. I hope that you can both figure out what works best for you and the family. You are in my prayers.
Dana
So sorry that things are not where you thought they were or what you hoped they would be. Hoping that whatever resolution is to be comes about quickly and with up-front honesty.
Jenny,
Just another soft spot in the wide open void of the world reaching out to tell you that it really is going to be ok. You really will come out better. Even if it's just words now, keep putting one foot out in front of the other. Life, as you well know, is too short to grieve.
Much love to you.
Many Prayers.
I've been following your blog since 2003, but never posted. I justed wanted to say how sorry I am for you and your family.
Been with you since 2004. I can't believe it. I am so sorry!
After all you both have been through it's sad to even think he would leave you and two small children. Be strong for you and your two children. They need you now more then ever.
Another log time follower of you and your amazing family. Hoping for the best but I know from "knowing" you that you'll make it through whatever the right outcome is for your family. -Susan
Hi Jenny,
Like most people here I first met you on the december 2003 BBC board. I joined at the end of March, 2003 as soon as I discovered I was pregnant. we went through the pregnancy together, our birth stories and early infancy. I remember when Allie was diagnosed and I read your blog religiously and gave to the fund that one of the ladies collected for you to buy dinners for you and Andrew. the night Allie died I stayed in my room cuddling my december baby all night, and crying. and everytime I hear the song "When September ends" I think of Allie. But honestly, all that time, it was really *you* that inspired me. It was *you* that I was following on the blog. I always asked myself what makes a person this strong, and if I were ever in a situation like this, would I find the strength too? Because it just seemed to impossible to imagine from my end. But I love hear about your journey, about Maggie and Kate's adventures and your decision to leave Heroes for Children and go back into teaching (we need lots of French teachers here in Canada by the way!).
Now you need to reach deep into all that strength you've cultivated and know that all we realy have is ourselves in this world. You've come along away along the road of emotional independence and that will for sure get you through this period.
Know that we are all thinking of you and I know I for one wish that I could give you back some of the incredible, inspiring strength that you have shown me over the last 7 years. If you want us to continue to post let us know. You have a huge following and we want to hear about your days and the little insights that come day to day. You are still so young there are so many adventures yet to await you. You'll see once the cloud lifts there is a whole lot of adventure and interesting new people to meet awaiting you.
Jenny....I'm so sorry to hear this. I'd like to send you a link that I think may help, but prefer not to post it here on a public forum. Is there an address I could send it to?
take care,
Margy
As a lot of people here I have followed you since babycenter. I remember the day I read the words that your sweet Allie passed away. Thinking how something so awful could happen to an innocent child. My first was born in 04 and our second in 07. My second child, a little girl, Rylee, became ill a few weeks after we brought her home from the hospital. Our hearts ached as we let her go, and watched her leave this world Jan 10, 2010. Three weeks short of her 3rd birthday. I drew stength from your story, knowing that you and Scott were still together and were pulling through the worst thing that could ever happen to you, together. I'm so sad for the two of you. If you are meant to find your way back to each other, though hard work you will. If it's not what's meant to be. I pray you both find the strength to continue being amazing parents to your girls, that you find happines and joy again.
Yet another long time blog follower chiming in. I was on BBC when you were going through everything with Allison, and I have checked in periodically since. I'm sorry to hear of this turn of events. Things happen for a reason, and regardless of the outcome I wish you peace, love and true understanding. You are a strong woman and great Mom. With love from VA.
I have followed you since your early days on Babycenter to Scotthousehold...Mama's on a Playdate and Charity Mom...I feel like I may have missed one? I am so sorry to hear your news but Jenny I swear, you are one of the strongest woman I have ever had the pleasure to meet and that is exactly how I feel...like I have met you and your family.
You inspired me to start my own blog when my life took on such desperation that I didn't know what to do and then it came to me! I will blog about it. I will let these words that are screaming inside of me come out just like Jenny did. My blog
"A Mom's Serious Blunder" was born. I am surprised and comforted when a person leaves me a message and tells me how much my blog means to them. I want to tell you that sharing your life has changed mine.
You can find me at madyson007.wordpress.com
I wish you peace and happiness and will continue to read and pray for you and your family.
I've been unable to check on 'pages' I normally do - for the last 3 months - when my computer crashed. I have to say I gasped when I read the horrible news. I'm yet another person who started learning about your family when you were on BabyCenter, and I was on iVillage. Allie is the *entire* reason I became involved in the kids' cancer world. Oh, like usual - I don't have any eloquent words that will change anything you're going through...but I am thinking of your family, and praying for you.
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