- We are divorcing. It's official. He says there is no love or hope. Maggie was told last night. I cannot ever describe the pain of telling my precious girl that her parents will no longer be married. Watching her cry. It was heartbreaking. We framed it well. All about our love for her and Katie and how she will have two homes. That she will always have Mama and Daddy; we just won't be married anymore. I'm taking her to her first play therapy appointment at noon today. Maggie is a very sensitive child and has been struggling with her emotions a lot since this all started. I'm hoping the play therapist will be able to help her deal with these emotions without the big freakouts she has now. One thing I know without a doubt is that Andrew and I are good parents. We both want the absolute best for our daughters and will both be very active parents. He is leaving me, not our children. He will continue to be the great father that he has been to those girls.
- I accepted a job offer in Plano ISD teaching middle school French. This position is terrific. It's exactly what I did before. I will be teaching 7th and 8th grade which I love. My first day back is August 10th. I'm excited to return to my original love and passion with teaching. It's a great school and I really like the principal. I was friends with one of the Spanish teacher so I won't be a complete stranger.
- My last day at Heroes for Children is in two and a half weeks. June 17th will be here before I know it. I can't believe it's almost that time. I love the organization so much and I'm incredibly proud of how I have built it along with so many other great people. I'm proud that I am leaving the position in good standing. I'm not leaving the organization entirely, of course. As co-founder, I have a board position. I will volunteer for various activities and still attend events. I'll be at board meetings. They have not yet hired an Executive Director, but the committee working on that is diligently looking. Next Thursday night is a cocktail reception honoring me and my years at Heroes. I'm very honored that they want to do this for me.
- My new job plus the lack of a second income means that my bills are more than I can afford. We just moved into this home and I don't know that I can financially afford to keep it. And you know, still feed my children. I need to figure it out. I don't know what I'm going to do.
- I'm learning to be on my own. I mowed the grass myself and need to do it again tonight. I am learning to be quiet in my own and enjoy the silence. I'm reading books at night and watching movies if I have the time after laundry and cleaning. I like having my own room without the snoring. I don't miss the snoring! I'm challenging myself to try new things when I can.
- I'm giving up yoga. It's a sacrifice I have to give up. I have a treadmill, so I'm going to bust it out and start working out then. My goal is to run the HFC 5K on September 24th since I've never been able to participate in it. I'll try to hit a yoga class on occassion, but I can't afford the $100 a month for my membership after this month.
- For the first time in my adult life, I'm going to be single. On my own. I married at 21. We dated through college and started dating when I was 17. I was a CHILD then. I've never been an adult on my own. I need to learn to do this.
I have my rough moments. Unlike my grief with Allie, I'm allowing myself to feel the various emotions as they come. I'm not shutting them out. Means it hurts like hell at times. But, unlike my grief with Allie, as I feel those emotions, I also forgive myself and move forward. I pick myself up.
I will get through this. It's just that right now, my life is in transition.