Body in Transformation

Just like the rest of my life, my body has been transforming.  One year after beginning my yoga journey, I see a very different girl in the mirror.  I'm now 127 lbs (OMG!!!), a loose size four/small, and I just bought my first bikini today (not a friggin chance I will post a picture in that).  The size 6 skinny jeans that I FLIPPED out when I bought (yes, there was jumping up and down in the dressing room) are now too loose. 

I blogged a few months ago about how I have modified my eating.  I still keep to this.  I eat much less and I don't stress eat.  Unfortunately, I went the opposite direction for a while where I could barely eat some days when the initial separation happened.  I lost 15 lbs out of sheer stress and pain.  Now, my weight has stabilized.  I have weighed this since mid-May, but my size is better.  I'm still doing portion control, while allowing myself a few unhealthy things on occasion.  I did eat a hot dog and cupcake yesterday.  Just didn't eat more than one cupcake or a hot dog and a hamburger.  I did it in moderation.

Right now, I'm still going to my yoga studio.  It's sporadic though.  When I can get there.  This week, I will luckily get myself there three or four times.   My body feels so much better when I do.  I purchased a four dvd yoga set to do at home, and I set up my treadmill.  I've been walking a track with a friend sometimes too.  My goal is to increase my psychical activity to do something each day--besides, chasing Katie around which, trust me, is A LOT!  My big goal is to learn to run and participate in the Heroes for Children 5K in September for the first time (I won't be working it this year). 

This is the first time in my life I've liked how I look.  I love trying on clothes.  My girlfriend just gave me a bunch of her things.  Today, I wore an XS top.  No joke, XS.  I have bought a few cheap sundresses at Target, without even trying them on.  This is huge.  I try everything on.  I love dresses now, and even shorter ones like the one I wore to my going away happy hour. 

I still struggle with perception.  I still see myself as bigger.  I struggle to believe I'm really this size.  Though I've seen the number on the scale since May, I step on every day expecting it to be a mistake.  I start with a Large top in the store and often work my way down to a small.  I told my girlfriend emphatically that there was no way the clothes she was bringing over for me would ever fit.  They looked way too small.  No chance could I wear that tight fitting cute size small top.  They all fit, even that top. 

The new size is helping contribute to the new self confidence too.  I'm finding myself in so many ways right now.  I'm finding that I don't have to rely on anyone to get things done in my life.  I can do them.  I AM doing them.  I have been out with friends and flirted some with men.  Because I like how I feel, that comes across.  I've been out on a date or two and have liked being complimented on how I look. Don't go reading into that too much, readers, I'm in NO WAY ready or wanting to jump into a relationship of any kind with anyone.  It's just nice to be noticed again.  I was the one still in love in our marriage, not him.  I haven't been genuinely complimented in years.  A made me feel safe, secure, and happy, but I fished for the compliments.  I can't tell you how good it feels for someone to tell me I'm pretty again.  I had stopped thinking I was at all. 

My body, my mind, my life continues to transform.