Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Body in Transformation

Just like the rest of my life, my body has been transforming.  One year after beginning my yoga journey, I see a very different girl in the mirror.  I'm now 127 lbs (OMG!!!), a loose size four/small, and I just bought my first bikini today (not a friggin chance I will post a picture in that).  The size 6 skinny jeans that I FLIPPED out when I bought (yes, there was jumping up and down in the dressing room) are now too loose. 

I blogged a few months ago about how I have modified my eating.  I still keep to this.  I eat much less and I don't stress eat.  Unfortunately, I went the opposite direction for a while where I could barely eat some days when the initial separation happened.  I lost 15 lbs out of sheer stress and pain.  Now, my weight has stabilized.  I have weighed this since mid-May, but my size is better.  I'm still doing portion control, while allowing myself a few unhealthy things on occasion.  I did eat a hot dog and cupcake yesterday.  Just didn't eat more than one cupcake or a hot dog and a hamburger.  I did it in moderation.

Right now, I'm still going to my yoga studio.  It's sporadic though.  When I can get there.  This week, I will luckily get myself there three or four times.   My body feels so much better when I do.  I purchased a four dvd yoga set to do at home, and I set up my treadmill.  I've been walking a track with a friend sometimes too.  My goal is to increase my psychical activity to do something each day--besides, chasing Katie around which, trust me, is A LOT!  My big goal is to learn to run and participate in the Heroes for Children 5K in September for the first time (I won't be working it this year). 

This is the first time in my life I've liked how I look.  I love trying on clothes.  My girlfriend just gave me a bunch of her things.  Today, I wore an XS top.  No joke, XS.  I have bought a few cheap sundresses at Target, without even trying them on.  This is huge.  I try everything on.  I love dresses now, and even shorter ones like the one I wore to my going away happy hour. 

I still struggle with perception.  I still see myself as bigger.  I struggle to believe I'm really this size.  Though I've seen the number on the scale since May, I step on every day expecting it to be a mistake.  I start with a Large top in the store and often work my way down to a small.  I told my girlfriend emphatically that there was no way the clothes she was bringing over for me would ever fit.  They looked way too small.  No chance could I wear that tight fitting cute size small top.  They all fit, even that top. 

The new size is helping contribute to the new self confidence too.  I'm finding myself in so many ways right now.  I'm finding that I don't have to rely on anyone to get things done in my life.  I can do them.  I AM doing them.  I have been out with friends and flirted some with men.  Because I like how I feel, that comes across.  I've been out on a date or two and have liked being complimented on how I look. Don't go reading into that too much, readers, I'm in NO WAY ready or wanting to jump into a relationship of any kind with anyone.  It's just nice to be noticed again.  I was the one still in love in our marriage, not him.  I haven't been genuinely complimented in years.  A made me feel safe, secure, and happy, but I fished for the compliments.  I can't tell you how good it feels for someone to tell me I'm pretty again.  I had stopped thinking I was at all. 

My body, my mind, my life continues to transform. 

 

29 comments:

anniemcq said...

Way to GO, Jenny! So thrilled for you! I'm so inspired - I've been doing WW since March, and although I'm down 20 lbs, I still have a looong way to go to feel truly transformed. I'm turning AGREATBIGNUMBER this August, and initially it was about hitting that number lighter than I was. Now I see it as a process of being born, of transforming my expectation of what it's like to be "that age". Your strength and humor and grace continue to leave me slackjawed and happy clapping. The you that has always been there, the you that your friends have always seen is finally being seen by YOU! Congratulations!

erin. said...

Go Jenny!! You have inspired me so very much!! Sending virtual hugs! :)

Heatheralli said...

I really am in awe of you. I know you are going through a stressful break up but at the same time you are on a journey of discovering yourself. I hope that if I was ever in your shoes, I would be as strong. I wish I had half your strength right now! You are truly an inspiration!

tricia said...

You were always pretty;sad that it went unappreciated. I'm glad that you now are experiencing what is coming to you. Enjoy your new found life with all it has to offer. Go at your own pace.

Lyndsay said...

Congratulations Jenny! (said with a tear in my eye and a smile on my face!)

Mommarazzi said...

You look AMAZING!

DCruz said...

You look fabulous. I know you are going through a lot. But you are strong and wish you all the best in life.

Sabine said...

My sister-in-law, husband, and son, all just finished the "Couch to 5K" program. Thought you might want to check it out since you said that you want to get into running. You can just download the iPod app. Good luck! It's great that you're taking care of yourself and feeling good about it :)

Daners said...

You are doing so amazing! I've always thought you're gorgeous...now, I'm so happy to see that you're starting to feel that way, too!

You, YES, you Jenny Scott, are more AWESOME than you know! Please never, never forget that!

Stacy W. said...

You are beautiful! Keep up the good work!

Stacy said...

Let me say it sista, sit down and listen closely. YOU ARE STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL!!!! COMPLETELY GORGEOUS! ONE HOT MAMA! Not only on the outside, but on the inside. Your beauty shines through! You deserve to be made beautiful daily, because you are. Don't ever settle on fishing for anything ever again. Sending you love as always!

Dusty said...

I'm so impressed with you! You are inspiring to me. I need to lose about 40lbs and I'm definitely an emotional eater. I'm not sure how to change that. Plus, my portion control needs help too.

Way to go!

Molly said...

No one ever knows what really goes on inside a marriage, but it's shocking to hear that you weren't complimented...you always portrayed Andrew as the perfect husband...I'm glad you're getting back to happy now.
Also, who got Brandy??

LisaWV said...

You deserve to see yourself as the beautiful woman you are, inside and out. I'm so sorry that your marriage wasn't what you wanted it to be, and that the love and care you put into it wasn't reciprocated. You deserve to have someone who compliments you, whether you are a size 4 or 24. I hope your heart heals fast and that you and the girls have a fantastic summer showing off that bikini bod! You deserve every happiness.

Robin said...

That's such an awesome post! You deserve those compliments and more. Much happiness! When you find it...you won't know what hit you. Woo hoo

snekcip said...

I so happy for you. Keep that smile on your face. I agree 100% with Stacy "your beauty shines through and don't ever settle for fishing".

PS I also would love to hear about Brandy!! She is such a beautiful dog! Nothing like our "furry babies"!

Allison said...

WOW, 127 lbs!! That is amazing. If you don't mind sharing, what was your starting weight?

I joined WW in January and have lost 50 pounds. I feel SO much better but still have about 30 lbs to go before I'll feel done. Keep up the great work! It really is a lifestyle change.

Angie said...

Oh wow! Your post has inspired me in ways you can't even know. I will return to it over and over again for when I feel like giving up because you are such a woman of strength, knowledge, and beauty. Keep your chin up - I have no doubt that the love of your life will find you when you least expect it.

Shannon said...

So happy for you and the place your heart is at!

Cathleen said...

I know we don't know each other, but I am SO proud of you! You are awesome and an inspiration. I wish you much happiness.

Kat said...

Way to go Jenny!

The Owl said...

Jenny you look amazing! Keep that smile on your face and happy painting girl :)

The Hoodies said...

Jenny,

What yoga DVDs did you get, if you don't mind me asking? We are looking for something to do at home, and would love some help on what to get.

Thanks,
Heather

Sarah said...

You are such an inspiration! Keep up the great work. When life throws you lemons you definitely make lemonade AND LOTS OF IT!!!

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

You look great, I am glad you are enjoying your new found confidence!

lis said...

Ack! I totally just posted to the wrong post! You look fantastic...and ditto all of the other stuff I just posted. LOL!

Michelle said...

Congratulations!! Very exciting with your transformation. You are truly an inspiration! I have been battling a weight issue since 1990's. I only hope to have the courage you do.

Hope you have a great day :)

Love,
Michelle-

Becky said...

Dear Jenny - I just want to add my belated love and prayers as you begin your new life. You're a strong, brave and beautiful woman who has inspired me for years. I will also be walking for YOU when I walk for Allie in LTN this October. Thank you for all that you have been, are and will be!
Becky in Ann Arbor

Jen said...

I'm a lurker who has been following your journey since the very very beginning. I was so saddened to hear about your divorce, I am also going through one after 14 years and 3 children. I am in AWE of your postitive attitude and you look absolutely awesome (you have always been beautiful!!!!) I have about 30lbs to lose and am wondering what your secret is? is it really just yoga? I have cleaned up my diet but the weight just won't go away. any suggestions would be great, you are officially and always have been my Hero!