Thirty-Five

On Thursday, I officially entered my mid-thirties.  I don't know where the time has gone since I turned thirty, but I am now thirty-five.  Last year, I did a list of thirty-four things about myself.  Most of it still rings true, though my French is not as rusty, I've all but cut out the Diet Coke, and I actually read about four books last year.  I won't bore you with another list of things about myself.  Instead, I will write about a few things I am seeking this year.

Stability
After two years of major change in my life, I am above all else seeking stability this year.  I was recently offered a new job that would be another change.  It was basically a dream job teaching higher level French with someone I respect and admire.  I declined the job offer.  It was a long decision process because I really wanted it.  However, it meant a huge change again.  New coworkers, new lessons, new content level to teach, new boss.  It was a slight pay decrease as well.  As much as I would like that type of position five years from now, I can't fathom another change now.  I love my school and have finally found my niche with friends and colleagues there.  It's becoming a family. Stability with my finances, home, work, relationships.  This is what I need.  A year with no major change and no life altering situations.  After the past few years, that simply sounds divine. 


Family Time
I want to focus more and more on QUALITY family time.  First and foremost, continued time just me and my girls to focus on the family of three we have built.  I love our girl time and the way we love each other.  I want more time to craft, snuggle over a movie night, or go play at the park.  I want us to have more family time with my mom and my granmda "Mom Mom."  We try to have our Four Generations dinner of me, the girls, and the grandmas at least once or twice a month.  This is so important to all of us.  I want more time with all five of us together, as well as time with my mom.  I love her so and she is such a great influence on my life.  Finally, I want more time with Boyfriend and his two girls as we learn and navigate becoming this new family.  It wasn't until very recently that we got to be together and hang out.  It was so much fun. It's not easy to find activities that work for four girls ranging 3 to 15.  We don't get much time together since the big girls live over three hours away.  I have no expectation for them to accept me as anything but their dad's girlfriend, but I hope they will see, in time, how I care for them as well.  I hope that we are able to build a friendship together and have fun as the six of us as we go.

Focus on Me
Boyfriend recently got on my case about not taking time for me or taking care of my needs.  That I put everything in front of myself.  I have really been trying to make a conscious effort to make this a change.  First, I try to focus my one weekend a month without kids or boyfriend on doing things *I* like and seeing people I want to see.  I took an overnight trip with my playgroup moms.  I am allowing myself to be lazy at night after I put the kids to bed and I'm home alone.  Granted, it means that the dishes don't always get done and the laundry pile can get a bit higher, but my stress level is getting better.  Next up is exercise.  I am currently at the best weight/size of my life.  At 35 years old, I look better than I did at 25 and most certainly at 30.  Two and a half years after losing most of my weight, I still find myself surprised over my size.  I still reach for the large or extra large top before I gradually pick up the small.  With all that said, I am FLABBY.  As I once heard a friend describe it, I'm "skinny fat."  I'm not toned.  I had to cut the yoga studio from my budget last year.  I need to find something that works from home and make it a priority.  I haven't.  I haven't made that a necessity and I feel the difference.  I don't want to be saying the same thing in 2014 as I'm saying now.  Time to make that change for me. 

Happiness
Plain and simple--I want more smiles and less tears.

I think that completes it for this year.  There's lots going on and plenty of work to do.  I'm volunteering a lot with Heroes for Children on the Board of Directors this year.  Boyfriend is extremely busy over the next few weeks. I always miss him whenever we're away from each other for more than a night but I wholeheartedly support his work.  He's been working double time lately with his company too.  It will be SO nice when he doesn't live an hour away.  He's looking to move closer in a few months and it can't come soon enough for me!  Would be nice to actually be able to go to his place, something I very rarely do.  I haven't been there since November!

Hoping 35 is my year...

Last day she's two!

The wild child turns three tomorrow and continues to bless (terrorize, exhaust, love) our world at all times.

Bring it, 2013

2011 was NOT my year.  It was the year that my heart broke.  I fell to pieces.  I made some very bad decisions financially, emotionally, psychically.  I lost myself.  I changed careers.  I struggled.  Frankly, I wouldn't mind forgetting that year entirely. 

2012 was better.  It still had lots of overwhelming stress.  Selling the house made this summer one of the most exhausting and overwhelming experiences.  I'd rather not do that again for a while.  Chairing a 5K when I was in the middle of it all-not my brightest idea.  Boyfriend had some rough times that caused emotional strain on us and our relationship.  I loved and supported him as best as I could through it, and we've come through.  There was plenty of good in the year too.  I found a smoother transition as a teacher in my second year back to teaching.  Started to get my stride this year.  Our new home has given us so much and we're very happy here.  I still had my struggles emotionally from the divorce from time to time, but I found those becoming more spaced out this past year.  I learned to love and be loved deeper than I ever have before.

The year ended with one of the best two weeks I could imagined for us.  Something that was a long time in the making finally happened and Boyfriend and I couldn't have been happier for how it all went.  Our Christmas was perfect and my girls were so happy.  Moving to this new home and changing my finances meant I was able to provide them a really good Christmas on my own.  I cried when I finished wrapping the gifts and getting them all set under the tree because I knew that *I* did that for them.  New Year's was quiet and low key with another couple. So, last night as 2012 was coming to a close, I wasn't sad to see it go.  However, I think I'll look back on it and know it was a pretty good year.  All in all, I have no complaints.

And now for 2013--what I truly want this year is stability.   I'd love to have a year where no major life event occurs.  No move, heartbreak (please, no heartbreak), change in career, or loss of those I love.  I'd like that "happy hum" of life this year.  I do have a few goals, or resolutions I guess you can call them.  Nothing major or life altering.  Maybe I'll share my list in a different post. 

I've survived both 2011 and 2012 and look to 2013 with hope and optimism.  All I want for this year is love, happiness and stability in my life.  I wish that for you and your family as well.

Happy New Year.