Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My angel's birthday

Five years ago, around this time, my water broke. I was in the hospital by that point, preparing for the arrival of my first baby. I began pushing at 5:30 and at 8:10 (seriously--it took that long--I was whooped!!) I heard her crying for the first time. My Allison. Allie was a gentle, easy baby from the beginning. Today, I am missing that sweet angel and my heart is aching.

I'm having a rough day, I'll be honest. To be completely honest with you, I've been having a rough MONTH. I spent the last few days focusing on Maggie and having some good quality time with her. Monday, we played hookie from work and school and went to the mall to see the train exhibit and then saw the movie Bolt. Yesterday's ice day ended as a blessing since it made me be home with her again. I worked all day and she played around me. We set up her picnic table in the living room to let her do art, playdoh, crafts, etc while I was right there. She had great behavior. Last night, I was supposed to have a board meeting for HFC, but that was cancelled as well due to inclement weather.

Today, I'm having trouble focusing. I'm at work and getting done the things I need to before Andrew picks me up for our annual tradition--taking Dr. Goldman birthday cake. Andrew will pick up Maggie and then we will all go together. Maggie knows that today is her sister's birthday. The first thing she told me this morning was "Today is Allie's birthday and we're FINALLY going to pick Allie up!!" I explained that no, Allie had to stay in Heaven. Just as she has done anytime Allie's name has been mentioned lately, Maggie tilted her head and said, "Aww, poor Allie."

Must get back to work. Happy Birthday to the most beautiful blue-eyed angel that changed my life forever.

45 comments:

the three amigos said...

Happy Birthday, sweet Allie!

rachel vanoven photography said...

Happy Birthday to Allie

Hilary said...

Happy Birthday Allie!

Jenny, I'm thinking of you and your family today. ((HUGS))

Susan said...

Thinking of you today as I have been this month. I know this must be horribly painful.

Happy Birthday sweet Allie!

Steph said...

Happy Birthday sweet Allie!

You will be missed, but never forgotten. Please watch over your mommy, daddy and baby sister as they need your hugs from heaven today.

Susan P said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Angel!

tricia said...

Happy Birthday to the sweetest Angel in heaven!

Christine said...

Happy Birthday dear Allie. Jenny, you and your family have been in our thoughts many times this month. My own baby girl turned 5 on Monday. I always find the 5th birthday one of the most emotional so I can't even imagine how incredibly hard it would be if your baby is no longer with you.

Karen - Mommy to four sweeties said...

Happy Birthday Allie.
Bless your family.

Melissa said...

That was a beautiful post and you totally have me in tears....I'm sorry this month has been so hard (( hugs)))

The Nanny said...

Happy birthday, Allie! I'm thinking of your sweet family today.

Living In a Girl's World said...

Happy Birthday Allie!

I hope your trip to see Dr. Goldman is a good one. I'm also glad you got to spend some good time with Maggie this week.

caroline said...

Happy Birthday Allie! I thought of you immediately when I saw the date on the calendar today!

I'm glad you've had extra time to focus on Maggie this week, Jenny!

Hugs to your family.

Sasha said...

Happy Birthday Allie.
Thinking of your family today....

Sasha said...

Happy Birthday Allie.
Thinking of your family today....

Helen said...

You've done an incredible job giving Allie a beautiful legacy. Such a sweet girl and we all think of her often.

Alicia said...

Happy birthday, sweet Allie. Thinking of you and your family today.

Adrianne said...

Happy Birthday Allie! You are in the hearts of so many!!!

Nicole said...

Jenny...
Your sweet Allie and my daughter share the exact same birthday...12/17/03. And my daughter too is my first born. I know there is nothing that can be said that can take away the pain of your loss, but please know that because of your story (I've been following since BBC days) has inspired me to hug my December girl a little tighter and longer knowing that each day is a blessing and can not be taken for granted. Here's wishing you the best during this season!

Michelle said...

Jenny, I have been following your family online for almost 5 years, I am so very sorry for the pain you and your family have suffered.
Happy Birthday Sweet Angel, you will always hold a place in all our hearts.

Christina said...

Happy Birthday Allie, this birthday marks the third time one of my close friends has given birth on your Birthday, think you had alot to do with that!!

Kelly said...

Thinking of you. Happy Birthday to Allie. Hang in there Jenny!!

Me, Myself and I said...

I cannot believe it has already been almost five years that I have been following precious Allie's story, and your family. Happy birthday sweet girl.

Graycesmomma said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Allie!

Thinking of you guys today...

Laurie B. said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Allie!

Carmen said...

Happy Birthday to you beautiful Allie.....

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday Allie.

Jenny, thank you again for continuing to share your family and the journey you have taken with us. Allie changed so many lives, and she won't be forgotten.

holfam4 said...

Happy Birthday Allie!

5ofus said...

Jenny, You have been in my heart all day. Happy birthday to your sweet Allie!

Dee said...

Jenny i have thought of you all day. Happy Birthday Sweet Allie!

Heather said...

Happy Birthday Allie!

Firefly Photo Jewelry said...

It's hard to believe sweet Allie would have been 5 today. I think you are entitled to a rough month. I hope you had a great day celebrating Allie.
Happy Birthday Allie girl!

Jen @ One Moms World said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby girl Allie! Big (((HUGS))) to you all. Maggie is such a wonderful girl. I love her little sayings.

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday, Allie. I'm sure your day was AMAZING!

Teresa said...

Happy Birthday, Allie....

Jenny, Allie's life has made an impact on my family's life. Thanks for generously sharing her (and your) story. I have learned much from you and I'm grateful.

Her time in your arms was short, but her impact on the world is huge...we are all blessed.

Berta said...

Happy Birthday to Allie! And strength for you, Jenny.

mama2one said...

Happy 5th birthday sweet Allie.

Prayer Works said...

Happy 5th Birthday to your beautiful Allie!

Nothing I write could reflect the turmoil in my heart. I can only imagine celebrating the miraculous birth of my child without their physical presence.

I can only hope it helps to know that Allie's life has and continues to touch many people! Because of her life & her fight, I am active in the fight against childhood cancer. Your daughter, your beautiful blue-eyed angel, inspires me to reach out and help other families whose tough & brave children are facing this battle.

More importantly, I know that Allie is so proud of you for all that you do because of your love for her.

Debbie said...

Happy birthday Allie. Thinking of you and your family.

Kelly said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Allie!

Kelly said...

Even though my brother died (leukemia too) 19 years ago, I make him a birthday cake with my four year old and we sing "Happy Birthday" to his Uncle Chris. It's a healing practice for me, his birthday and the day he passed were just 6 weeks apart and I was always in a major funk leading up to and in between.

Happy 5th Birthday sweet Allie - you're a girl among girls and touched many hearts.

*Lissa* said...

Hugs! Jenny you are amazing!

LisaWV said...

Oh, hugs, Jenny! She changed a lot of lives, that gorgeous baby you gave birth to five years ago!

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry said...

Happy Birthday, Allie. You all have been in my thoughts all week long. I wonder if you have any idea how many people Allie has affected. Thank you to Allie and thank you, to you, for sharing her beautiful life with us.

Goodies for Mom said...

Happy Birthday sweet angel and super big hugs to you!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lois (FOH)