Sunday, October 28, 2007


As we got ready for our hayride at the pumpkin patch yesterday, Deb's son innocently turned to us and asked, "Why did Allie die?" There had been no mention of Allie before the question. No discussion of her sickness or either of the fact that she died. Not even six years old, he remembered what happened to Allie three years ago. In an attempt to keep things light (as we were on a hayride and having fun), we glossed over the answer with "she was really sick," and "now she takes care of us as our angel."

But that didn't satisfy him. Deb told me that after leaving us last night, the ride home was interrupted with, "Why did Allie die?" This time, she had a full conversation about what happened to Allie and why she didn't survive. She didn't want her kids to think they will die if they get sick, so she explained that Allie had cancer, a very difficult sickness that most don't get.

You know, I get anxious just knowing this conversation is coming for Maggie. I want her to understand her sister's beautiful life and the legacy she left us to carry on. At the same time, I don't ever want her to think she is less loved or less important than her sister.

Hopefully, when the time comes, I will be answer Maggie's question of "Why did Allie die?" in such a way that Maggie will understand a bit. Of course, maybe I will get the answer for myself one day. Who knows--why DID Allie die???


Anonymous said...

I can't imagine Maggie thinking that she is less loved or less important than her sister.

I have no advice to give you on discussing this with Maggie, because I know you will handle it perfectly. I know this because I know you and I know your heart and I know your strength and I know you as a mother. And you will find the right words.

Mom Of 3 said...

I cant imagine Maggie feeling any less important or any less loved than Aliie. Both of them are very special and both loved. You will when the time comes handle this with grace and ease I am sure.

Queen In My House of Blue said...

You are such a wonderful mother to both of your babies. I am so sure that Maggie will not feel any less important than her sister.
It is an amazing story to tell.
And I know that you will have the right words at that time.

Amy said...

I hope and pray that parents won't have to answer this question in the future. I have no doubt that when Maggie does ask the question that you will know exactly what to say. Both of your girls are blessed to have you for a Mama.

~*~*~Monica~*~*~ said...

I have often thought the same will I explain to my daughter why her two sisters aren't here? How do you begin to explain something like that. I am sure that when Maggie does ask, you will know exactly what to say.

Dana said...

I imagine that Maggie will always know just how much she's loved and that she wont' feel less loved than Allie! From what I read (I know I don't know you in "real life") you seem like an amazing mama to both your girls!

I'm sure you'll know just what to say when the time comes!