Sunday, July 8, 2007

No time soon

"So, when are you having another?" I'm SO tired of this question!! People forget--I've had two children already. They see just Maggie and ask me when the next child is on the way. But, as I remind them, I had two girls in 22 months, and one died of cancer in between. I went through a lot in that time and had two fairly exhausting pregnancies that left me vomiting for months on end (sweet Maggie had me throwing up until the DAY she was born!). I'm not ready for another. Not at all.

I'm not saying I won't have another child one day. I know that I will wake up and feel that my family is incomplete. And when that happens, I will greet another child into our home with the same love as the first two. However, right now is not the right time. I am happy with my current family dynamic. Maggie is spoiled as can be, but with love and attention (well, she probably has a few too many toys too). She is the center of our home life, and we like it that way.

"But don't you want to give Maggie a sibling?" Of course I do, but at the right time. It was not my intention to have Maggie be an only child. If it had been the way we originally hoped, I would be home for the summer from my teaching job with TWO girls, juggling both a 20 month old and a three and a half year old. But sadly, that wasn't in the cards for my life. Allie is not with us and we are making the best of our lives without her. We miss her each day and feel her absense strongly. Maggie will know of Allie. She exclaims "Alla!" when seeing her picture in our hallway each morning.

We know this is the right decision for us right now. Andrew and I are on the same page on this. My best answer when people ask is that we'll discuss the issue when Maggie's two (that's soon, I know). Most likely, we will decide at that time to revisit the issue when she's three! Now, if I were to have an "oops, baby," I'm sure I will be happy. But, with the help of a little pill, I would like to try for the time being to stick with just the one sweet girl I have.

Thanks. Now stop asking!


sarahybethy said...

It's amazing huh? I got married less then two months ago. Before that the question was "when are you getting married?" now it's "When are you having kids?"

Personally, watching other people's children is more then enough birth control for me :-)

I just answer the question, "we'll let you know when we are."

P.S. A little spoiled is fine!!

Tracy said...

Ah, THE question. I always felt like that question was a little intrusive. Really it is no one's business. But it is something everyone asks.

You will know when you are ready. Something in you just tells you that it is time. Emma and Timmy are 2 1/2 years apart and it has worked out wonderfully for me. My girlfriend just had her second and her boys are 3 1/2 years. Unfortunately she had 2 miscarriages, but would you believe after the miscarriages people would still ask her when she was going to have a second. I just don't get it.

Enjoy Maggie. You and Andrew are still young you have a lot of time.

H'mama said...

non-ya! none ya business. That's what I would say. Well maybe a little nicer then that, but still. I have two girls of my own and I am DONE!!!! Think of what comes when they are older, no thank you.

Debbie said...

So....when are you having another baby??? I don't think I got exactly what you were saying. Hahaha!

You know how I feel about this, have a baby when you're ready and don't let anyone pressure you into doing it before then. Not that you would anyway, but thats my philosophy. And if you have one now we would be hormonal and sick at the same time(or whenever I get pregnant), and we couldn't have that now, could we! Love ya!

SUV mom said...

I agree with h'mama. None ya. It really is no one's darn business. But, that won't make them stop buggin ya about it. Two pregnancies are exhausting, but you battled cancer and grief too. People forget all too fast. Maggie is gorgeous and if she's spoiled, so what. My girls are too. You do what is right for you guys. :)

3fishies said...

Well, people just make conversation and they truly don't mean anything by - well most of them anyway. I had two babies in two years (EXACTLY) then had one 8 years, when is the 'right' time - who the hell knows!!! Enjoy your precious doll-baby. You and Andrew DESERVE time to enjoy your child. You robbed of so much with Allie - take your time with Maggie.
Love to you!

TippyCakes by Tiffany said...

Oh my goodness! I have a 3.5 y/o and I tell you what.. No plans of another child. :) Try explaining that to family, lol.

Anonymous said...

Well you could just tell them about the cost of daycare...that might shut them up! :)

Julie said...

Yup, I know this one well. Just tell people to mind their own business and IF and WHEN the time comes you'll let them know.

We lost our first daughter as well. Not in such traumatic circumstances, she was stillborn, still, almost immediately we got the "You can try again", "When are you going for the next one?" and those that didn't know with the "When are you starting a family?" I always hated all those comments.

Then we had our son and it began the, "When will you have the next one?" Until we did have the next one and people stopped asking for the next one and started with the "You're done now, right!" It didn't help we now had a living son and daughter, the picture perfect family.

By the time #3 came around we had to hear the "Wow, you really have your hands full!" and "What were you thinking, don't you know by now how this happens!" LOL Taylor would have been 9 this month and our youngest is 3 1/2 with 2 more living and 2 more angels thrown in the mix. So 6 kids in roughly 6 years. Yup, I'm DONE!

Still, since nothing permanent has been done to insure that, we still get the, "Please tell me your not pregnant again" and the "You really are done now, right?" comments all the time. ANNOYING!

Point is, doesn't matter how many kids you have had, or will have, or don't even want, someone is always going to butt in and question your family choices in this area! Hang in there. Eventually you do get to the point where you can officially say, "Yes I'm done, now leave me alone!!!" LOL

Elle said...

See that annoys me. I have three kids and STILL get asked that. They first ask, "Has J had a vascetomy?" and then "you planning on more?"

I'm sorry when was my reproductive life ever anyone else's business? LOL. I sympathsize with you completely. Hell, my twins were 3 weeks old and I was getting harrassed by MIL already when I'm having another (this after doing IVF for a year as well!)


christy said...

Elle said it best:

"I'm sorry when was my reproductive life ever anyone else's business?"

Love, love, love it!!!

Melissa said...

I know just the feeling!

My son was born Dec 03, which is how I first heard about you! And then I had a daughter in 2/ I had 3 kids ( my oldest was 8/01) in 5 years!!

Now that my little one is 16 months I get asked that question all the time! Sheesh, can't they all tell I am no longer sane, give me some more time please! LOL!

Duchess said...

Right on! It never ceases to amaze me how much folks assume that your uterus is public domain and up for discussion. I mean seriously, you don't question SINGLE people about THEIR sex lives, do you??

Enjoy Miss up every moment of her delicious self...

Mixed Up Me said...

I have a ten year old stepdaughter who requires a lot of attention due to past problems in her life, and I know that I could not have another child right now, however that doesn't stop people from asking and giving their opinion. I know how you feel about "the question" Just keep your head high and do what is best for you and your family. I hope you have a great day!

Jin said...

hi, have been following your updates for years now :)

just sharing about people asking about having another child...its what people do, they just can't help it. for me, when i had my first, our relatives and friends asked us when we were going to have our 2nd child even before our newborn turned 1 month old!!

now that we have our 2nd child when our first born turned 3, people started to ask when we were going to have our 3rd child!!! CRAZY!!!

then i realized it is what people like to do, they can't help it, they have to ask!! so i always gave our standard answers, "soon" "later" "you will know" "is it any of your business?" hehe :p

i am chinese, and we have this saying, "one ear in, another ear out" when we hear comments and questions like those :)

Carolein said...

I know exactly what you mean. I had a terrific pregnancy with my son (who's now 2 years old!), but right after delivery, EVERYTHING went downhill. I almost lost my uterus (came extremely close to needing a hysterectomy at only 25 years old)and had to have it squeezed down to the size of a ball and need surgical velcro to keep it together. I was told by my ob/gyn not to even TALK about trying again til after my son was 3, that's how bad my uterus was damaged. Still, 2 years later (and multiple times of reminding everybody of the hell I went through)everyone asks when #2 will be coming along. Right now, I have my hands full enough with a 2 year old (we want him fully potty trained, as we would rather not have 2 babies in diapers at the same time). After next year, we'll THINK about it.


Dana said...

Oh, I remember those comments. My girls are 3 years and 9 months apart (the oldest was born March 20, 2002, the youngest December 11, 2005). We just weren't ready before then. I know how annoying that question is, and I can imagine that with the annoyance it brings a little sadness too for you guys. You have another when and if you are ready, and don't let anybody else try to convince you are ready! Big hugs!

Anonymous said...

Don't ya just LOVE those questions? haha... we waited until my first was 2.5 years old, and decided to have another, and by the time our second arrived in April, Tessa had turned 3 in January. It was perfect timing for us.

I agree with you, and have fun enjoying Maggie. You are SO busy with HFC and your beautiful family, so I'm sure another baby can wait.

PS. Maggie is simply adorable; I just love all of the photos you're sharing!

LW said...

Ugh, I can't believe people!!!! I've had strangers on the street ask when we are having another because my two boys (2.5 years apart) look like they need a little sister. Hello Matt is only 18 mos. old. Give me a break. People need to mind their own business. You'll have it when both you and Andrew are ready. In the mean time, enjoy Maggie and how can you not spoil that adorable little one?


Caroline said...

Hi Jenny,

I know you don't like the question, and it probably shouldn't be asked, but you all seem like the most incredible parents and therefore, people just want you to have more!! :)


EquineSpirit said...

((HUGS!!)) You'll know when the time is right. Or maybe Allie and Maggie's baby sibling will tell YOU when the time is right! ;)