Now, I've known for quite some time that I have more than a few pounds to lose. I know that I have tried and unsuccessfully failed four diets in 2007. I blaimed it on everything from my job and the amount of time I spend at catered functions, to the stress in my life. Truth is, I didn't stick with anything. I could lose the weight, and did all four times. But I couldn't keep it up.
I have a love/hate relationship with food. I love it. It hates my body. Fairly simple.
I know that I am overweight. I know my % of body fat is bad (seeing it last night, I can tell you it is REALLY bad). But Obese? That is like some harsh cuss word for me. Just sounds awful. My trainer and I are just starting to work together. Other than the obese comment, she is really great. I like her style, her energy, and how she more than once encouraged me that I CAN DO THIS. I am scheduled to work out with her twice a week for the rest of the month and then we'll evaluate where I am (and how many more sessions I can afford--that is SO expensive!!)
I can't tell you that I am feeling really encouraged about my current weight situation. I can't tell you that I am excited and motivated that this is the time I am going to keep the weight off. After failing four times last year, I am not confident right now. I CAN tell you that I am willing to try another time and that I don't want to be considered obese. I can tell you that I have the most patient and supportive husband that helps me through these times (even though he can't eat fresh fruit or any raw vegetables so it makes dieting a bit of a challenge in my home).
Here I go again.....
And, a huge, big thanks to Amy for letting me call and cry last night. With three kids and a mild fight involving throwing couscous at each other, Amy still managed to talk to me for close to an hour while I navigated my way through the grocery store searching for food. Her sheer compassion as she heard me sob (having made it through the entire trainer session without crying and falling into a heap of tears the moment I got in my car) reminds me that I am so very lucky to have her in my life. Amy--thank you, thank you. I truly appreciate what you did for me last night.