7 Things

I was double tagged last week for yet another list. Thanks Jenn and Deb! I've done one of these before. Last time I did this, I coped out a bit and did the list about Andrew. But what the heck--I'll give it another go!

1. I love public speaking. Love me a microphone. While many people (such as my husband) would do anything to have to make a speech, I get excited at the thought. I love to stand in front of a crowd and deliver a message. My favorite topic? Why Heroes for Children of course!

2. I don't cook. Not just don't cook very often. I'm talking like "Idon'tboilapotofwater" DON'T cook. I've tried to learn a few times. But trust me--you don't want to eat something I have prepared for you. I might invite you over for a meal in my home, but it is either going to be something take out that I've purchased or prepared by my sweet husband.

Sidenote--I just told Andrew that I am doing this list. Here's our conversation:

Me: I have to write 7 interesting things about me.

Him: Hmm, how many do you have?

Me: Two.

Him: Is one of them the fact that your husband is a complete bad ass? Because that should be number one.

Me: (Laughing and choosing not to respond)

3. I'm not the best driver or parker for that matter. My front right fender can attest to that. I hit the garage either on my way in or way out. Andrew likes to look at it and shake his head. Recently, I hit a parked car! OK, it was a big red truck at our office with the tiniest parking spaces (seriously--double lines--not conducive to large vehicles). I put a pretty good scrape on the side of his truck bed. Luckily, he decided that it was a truck and not worth pursuing having fixed.

4. I've had a baby doll since I was first born named Honey. Honey is a Fisher Price doll straight out of the 70's. She's yellow with white flowers on her body. Let me rephrase--she USED to be yellow with white flowers. Now she is pretty brown with yellow on the creases. Her arms have each been sewn multiple times. Her fingers were chewed off by a Chihuahua when we were living for six months at my mom's best friends house (long story--we moved to Texas from CA and that was six very miserable months of my life in the seventh grade). She slept on my bed until I was married. Maggie knows she is my doll. Every night, she will bring me Honey to hold while she holds her dolls--lovingly named Baby Ella, Baby Beck, and Baby Nash. Andrew hates the Honey doll and swears that if he could get rid of it he would. I remind him that if he ever did that, we would have some serious issues. Love my Honey doll.

5. You know how there are some people that LOVE adventure? Those people that must do something like skydive, bungee jump, parasail, etc sometime in their lifetime. I am NOT one of those people. I like my feet firmly planted on the ground, thank you very much.

6. I don't like spicy food. My mother doesn't like spicy food. Nor does my grandmother for that matter. My first enchilada was when I was pregnant. And I've lived in Texas since I was 13! I like my food nice and mild.

7. When I was in middle school, I developed an obsession with clown masks. I think at one point I had like thirty or forty of them hanging in my bedroom. I had them until I was in high school and Andrew told me they were really creepy. Don't have any now. Not really sure where that love of clown masks came from or why I had such a collection going for so long. Just happy to have moved past that phase in my life.

So, that's it. Now for the tagging, right? Well, given that two of my friends just tagged most of the bloggers I know, hmmm....

I tag

Candice--my friend that is new to the blogging world and mom to one of Maggie's favorite friends.

Kelly--blogging friend whose daughter Jenna reminds me a lot of Maggie in their fun, spunky personalities and love of the Wiggles!

Megan--to get things going on Peanut Press!

Brandon--because really, who doesn't love Brandon's blog and reading anything he writes? Plus, I kind of think he's pretty darn great too!

Nanny--Sweet blogging friend whose blog I enjoy visiting when I can!

Amy--yeah, yeah, I know she's been tagged already by someone else, but I want to see her blog. Anything the gal writes is pure genius. I want a new blog entry! Carter's art is great and all, but I need a little Amy wit. I'm missing it. Guess we need to get together soon!

Melissa--She writes so much about those two energetic awesome boys. But I want something up about HER!

Saturday Fun

It's been a good week for us. Maggie of course is still my daddy's girl, but she has been pretty sweet to me in the last few days. Or maybe it is that I've gotten to where I don't let it bother me as much. We're working through it.

Maggie, Andrew and I had "Teddy Bear Picnic" yesterday at her preschool. We had such a nice lunch together with her classmates. In true me fashion, I didn't pack a lunch but drove through the Chick Fil-A to pick us up something to bring to the picnic. Afterwards, she left with me to take a laptop to the hospital and deliver to the social worker and then meet with the Child Life therapist, Kelli, about some Arts & Crafts planning issues. I'm now in charge of planning and ordering the items for A&C this year. That's a first for me so I want to make sure to do it right. Maggie was so sweet at the hospital and asked to go see Dr. Goldman when we were done with my meeting. Unfortunately, he wasn't there. We left a message that we stopped by. He called later in the afternoon saying he was sorry he missed us. Love him.

While we were there, we stopped to visit the big giraffe at the clinic that was given to our family from Posh Tots. We gave it to the clinic a few days later in Allie's honor. Andrew and I wheeled it down there when my mom was watching Allie and it's been in the waiting room of the clinic every since. Of course, it doesn't look like it did four years ago. Slightly leaning. It's still our giraffe though. Maggie loved visiting it. Here she is with the giraffe...

Maggie and I had a fun day today! She slept in (love that on a Saturday!) and then the two of us had a playdate with Hopper! She loves her friend Hopper and is infatuated with all things babies, including Hopper's newborn baby brother Nash. Doesn't hurt that I also completely adore Hopper and Nash's sweet mommy Megan! Maggie has a bit of a girl crush on Megan (sorry, Amy, you're not the only one). I think it has something to do with her long blonde hair. She looks like a princess to Maggie!

We had a great time playing with Hopper this morning. Here are a few pictures of the day:

After leaving Megan's, Maggie and I met my mom at the Outlet mall in Allen. Maggie now has lots of new summer clothes, courtesy of sweet GaGa! She is getting all ready for our Sea World trip with a whole new ensemble from the swimsuit to the hat and water shoes.

We're now curling up to popcorn and the Curious George movie. That's a good Saturday in my book. Popcorn's ready! Gotta go!

Giraffe Loving

Given that I've managed a blog every day this week, I thought I would keep it up. No guarantee how long this will continue. Certainly not willing to commit to anything definite! But I've been enjoying my blog and will write as much as I can.

So here goes:

• I'm working from home this morning until I head out to Maggie's school. We have Teddy Bear Picnic this morning. Maggie is so excited! She knows that both her parents are coming for her special lunch at school, and she marched off with her teddy bear happily in her arms. Andrew and I have a rule that Maggie will never be without at least one parent present for these type of activities. It isn't always possible for us to both be there, but we make our best efforts. Andrew did the Thanksgiving lunch and I did Valentine's candy party. We both went to the Easter event and Christmas party. There are quite a few children that are without any parents and I am always sad for that. As working parents, I know that it is a challenge for us to get there. I in no way judge those parents for missing. I know that there may come a time when I have to as well. I just try to play with those children as well.
• I say I'm working from home, but I'm stopping to blog and watch a little tv in the background. I'm watching a show on Animal Planet called "Growing up Giraffe." I have a love for giraffes. Allie instilled that in me. There are the most beautiful creatures in the world to me. This episode is about a female giraffe birthing a calf. I'm fascinated. If a birthing mother giraffe sits down during labor, she risks crushing the calf and causing significant damage. This mother endured hours of labor with no success and sat down when the baby was only head and front feet out. I gasped watching and couldn't focus on anything else. The baby giraffe survived, and I'm now watching the bond of mother and daughter. Amazing.
• Both Jenn and Deb have tagged for a blog post. I'll do it this weekend most likely.
• Oh shit, the mother giraffe just mysteriously died. She fell ill and died within a day. Now I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face.
• I can't see a giraffe without thinking of Allie. Even Maggie knows that Allie loved giraffes. At the zoo, I stop for an extended period of time to stare at the giraffe and think of how Allie's face would light up at the sight of one. I see her face when I look at a giraffe.
• With Maggie, it's princesses that make me think of her. She is Princess Maggie. She likes for me to tell made up stories about Princess Maggie, Queen Jenny, and King Andrew. She will squeal and say, "tell more! do it more!"
• Show just ended. Baby giraffe is now thriving. That was intense, heartbreaking, and beautiful. Glad I stayed home to experience that.

Back to work now. I'll be thinking of giraffes the rest of the day. And of my giraffe loving girl.

**Update: I couldn't stop thinking about this show. All through my shower, I thought about Lady, the mother giraffe, and her baby. When I got out, I googled Safari West, the conservation group that cares for these giraffes in California, and emailed the Founder/CEO. Here is my letter:

Dear Mr. Lang,

While I do not normally email someone after having watched an episode on the television, I cannot resist to email you. This morning, I worked from my home to catch up a little and happened to catch Growing Up Giraffe. I wanted to personally thank you for sharing that beautiful and inspiring story this morning.

My daughter Allie loved giraffes. As an infant, her favorite toy was a little giraffe from France named Sophie. She was never without Sophie and soon had giraffe item after giraffe item. When I see one of these beautiful creatures, I am instantly reminded of my beautiful daughter. You see, Allie was diagnosed with cancer at the tender age of four months. She endured chemotherapy, more than 80 blood transfusions, and a stem cell transplant when she was seven months old before passing away in my arms at nine months. She was buried with her Sophie Giraffe toy that she loved so dearly.

I thank you for the beautiful story of Lady and her love for her baby giraffe. I was heartbroken the moment she passed and cried silently in my home for the great loss Safari West suffered. I wish you and your organization all the very best in your efforts for conservation and preservation of these majestic creatures. I admire the work you have done through founding this organization. I founded a charity in Texas called Heroes for Children, www.heroesforchildren.org, that serves families with children with cancer in memory of Allie and another little girl Taylor. I know the blood, sweat and tears it takes to found such a labor of love as an organization. What an amazing thing you have done for this world through Safari West.

Again, the story on Growing Up Giraffe was wonderful. It was intense, heartbreaking, beautiful and truly inspiring. Thank you so much for the work you do and for giving this giraffe lover in Texas so much inspiration on a Friday morning.

With my gratitude,

Jenny Scott

Mom to Giraffe loving little girl, Allie Scott

Maggie's first picture!

Watch out Weintraub, we have a new photographer on the scene. Even
two year olde can operate an iPhone.

Fun Tidbits about Me

Need a change of pace from my current blog topics! Got this from Tracey tonight and thought I would give it a try.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

Honestly? I don't pay bills! Andrew takes care of them. But we both hate our credit card bill. Just a beating every month.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?

Both of us were stumped with this question! We aren't real romantic people. Um....honestly can't remember the last romantic dinner we've had. We tend to go more practical places.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?

Not at all. I'm married to him!

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?

My dad would have been a nonsmoker.

5. Name of your second grade teacher?

Not a good year for me. We moved and I moved classrooms too. Don't remember any of three teachers I had that year.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?<p>
Hanging out with the Posse.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?

A teacher.

8. How many colleges did you attend?

2

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?

In my nightshirt. I change out of work clothes as soon as I can!

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?

Andrew and I have always said if we didn't belong here in Dallas (which we know we do), we would move to Oregon.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

We slept in this morning! No alarm!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?

That I hoped Sheila doesn't win Big Brother

14.What do you miss about being a child?

Curling into my dad's lap in my jammies at night.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?

Vacuuming.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?

Well, that's just a silly question. I work AND volunteer!! Love to volunteer my time with Camp Discovery.

18. Get up early or sleep in?

I'm a night owl. I LOVE to sleep in.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?

Given that I've seen quite a bit of Cinderella lately, I'll say that.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?

Lay in bed at night and talk until we drift off to sleep.

21. Have you found real love yet?

Since I was 17. Been madly in love with him ever since.

22. When did you start feeling old?

When I started sounding like my mother lecturing my daughter! HA!

24. Your favorite lunch meat?

Turkey.

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?

Milk. We go to their grocery store every week. I can't remember the last time I went shopping at a regular Wal-Mart.

26. Beach or lake?

Beach.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

Leaving Tracey's answer for this one---No, but I wish it was taken more seriously.

28. Do you own property?

Yes.

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?

TV!!

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out?

Not a lot. I love chick flicks!

31. What's your drink?

Deb got me into this one--Cherry Vodka Sour.

32. Cowboys or Indians?

Cowboys

33. Cops or Robbers?

Huh?

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?

Coleen. I miss her so much!

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?

Usually Mix 102.9

37. Grey's Anatomy or The Office?

Hard to compare these two. Love them both. Office is definitely my favorite though.

38. Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back?

There are some friendships I wish I had been better at maintaining.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

Not sure. I had brunch with Chloe Dao recently--that was cool!

41. Indoors or Outdoors?

Indoors. I don't like the heat. I'm a wuss in the cold.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?

I've been in three car accidents. None caused by me. All caused significant damage to my car.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

No.

44. Last book you read?

Perfect Match by Jodi Piccoult

45. Do you have a teddy bear?

My daughter does. Does that count?

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?

Some random hotel in France probably.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?

San Diego.

48. Do you go to church?

No.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?

I'm good, thanks.

50. How long have you been out of school?

5 years

Maggie love

Thanks to all the comments from my last blog entry. I realize most
days that it is just a phase. When she has both parents with her, she
chooses him each and every time. It gets the better of me, and it
certainly did when I wrote this blog entry.

Should I cut back my work hours? Sure. But my job has peaks and
valleys when it comes how busy we are. After tomorrow night, I dont
have a night meeting until May 20th (yippee!!).

Andrew and I having been talking a lot about Maggie and I having time
without him. They have more of that because of my work schedule. That
doesn't mean that Maggie and I dont have our time. Mornings are ours.
I love our mornings(once she is willing to accept that sweet daddy is
not on the house).

We're trying to set up more Maggie and Me time. Last night we went on
a girls only walk to the park and ponds in our neighborhood. We spent
over two hours out together laughing, playing and watching a family of
baby ducks. I loved every solitary second and she seemed to enjoy it
too. She told Andrew all about it when we got back and she crawled in
his lap.

All this to say that I appreciate all the comments made. It helped me
see the bigger picture. Thanks to Tracey for reminding me that yes, I
am a good mother. I'm hard on myself and I'm allowing this phase
effect me more than it should. Thank you for reminding me of that.

I get it already; he's great. Whatever.

Seriously. I am so sick of being the disliked parent. I'm so tired of having my child melt over him and balk at me. I'm over it. Really.

Can Maggie please see me in the morning without the "No, my Dada coming!!" reaction? Or how about actually be ok with me being the one to do anything. I guarantee you that I read stories better than him. I do voices and actually read the words! He flips through and skims the story. Come on.

This weekend was rough. We had a playdate with her friend Hopper, went to the Wiggly Playcenter, and even used our season passes for a quick fun afternoon at Six Flags. And yet, she had three or four different time outs from hitting, pushing, or kicking me because I (heaven forbid) interrupted her playtime with Dad or asked her to do something like put on her jammies. I'm sorry, but I will not tolerate my two year old hitting me. Luckily, Andrew supports me on it too and he made her go to time out several of the times. We always ask her what she did to land her in a time out. Her answer? "Oh, I hit my Mama" with a sly smile on her face.

It's hard at times. I try to remind myself that she is just two and doesn't realize that she is hurting my feelings. I try not to let the mom guilt creep in to tell me that it is because I work and have been away too much. I don't always succeed and I feel so badly sometimes.

Can I blame her? Her dad is pretty darn great. It's no surprise she loves him so much. He's fun and funny. He is patient (way more than Mama most days) and loving. He is one of the most active dads I've ever met, and he's selfless with his time spent with his family. He's the best dad she could have and she absolutely adores him.

I just wish she loved me like that too.

Happy shopping!!

Gotta love a girl who enjoys a little trip to the mall.

Bedtime Silliness

Oh my funny little Maggie. She is so funny about her nighttime routine. Here's what it looks like:

• Two lights must be on. Her lamp that she touches the base to turn on as she shouts "Me DO IT!!" and her nightlight.
• Necessary allergy meds. Nights don't go well without.
• Her bed is absolutely covered in toys, dolls, stuffed animals, little friends she has. Two Snow White dolls--one plush and one Barbie--two Belle dolls (next verse same as the first), "Dragon" (her prize from a game at Six Flags), Baby Beck and Baby Ella dolls that go with us everywhere, the babies' milk and juice bottles (she is a great little mother, even remembering to take them potty all the time!), all the tiny princess figurines she owns, and a bunch of other little things as well. It's just a little toddler bed! I'm amazed at how she fits!
• We read SEVEN books. In order. There is no deviating from this. Must begin with the "George book" about Curious George's trip to the zoo and must end with the counting teddy bear book. During the Dora Halloween book, she has to exclaim "Ooh, scary!" when opening every.single.solitary.flap. There are the same little things we do for each book, liking pinching each others cheeks as we say, "Broccoli" in the silliest voice we can make while reading the doggie book of how the puppy likes to cook with his sister.
• She likes to be covered up under an array of blankets. Usually between four and five and finishing off with a large white blanket with Andrew's company logo on it.
• And then comes our time to make an exit. There is a lot of exclaiming of "No, Ish You" which is her expression she uses to ask to be held. Once she understands that she must stay in her room and I'm leaving, she's good. It's playtime, you know.
• And this is where the funniest part comes in. The shoes. Yes, my daughter gets out of her bed to pick out the perfect pair of shoes. She sleeps in the shoes. And you never know what shoes she will have on when you go to get her in the morning. It might be hot pink "sparkle" shoes. Could be her white flower sandals, or possibly as it was this morning, a pair of shoes too small for her feet that she dug out of a box in her closet. Rainboots, slippers, well, you get the picture.
• Depending on whether she is wearing her jammies of pants and a shirt (typically Old Navy jammies--she loves them) or her nightgown, she will spice up the outfit a little as well. For example, my sweet little thing is currently wearing a princess nightgown with her bathing suit bottoms over the diaper (backwards I might add because heaven forbid she allowed Mama to help), socks pulled up as far as she can get them, and her monkey slippers.

My silly little girl. Oh, and how am I greeted every morning by this ball of sunshine? "No, not YOU! My DADA coming!!" And then I get to break the news that her "Dada" has already left for the day.

Side note--I had to take a break in typing this entry tonight due to our tornado siren in our city going off for the second time in one week! We had to all pile in our closet once again (Maggie kept giggling about Brandy being in the closet with us) to take quick shelter. All is ok in our city now, but North Texas is getting pummelled with hail, wind, rain throughout the Metroplex right now. Hope that everyone in our area is safe tonight!!

Missing my baby

I'm in Houston tonight for our wrap party for Heroes and Handbags.
Thrilled at the success (we will officially announce this week) but
surely missing my girl. I have to be sure to pick her up a little
something. She now thinks that if Mama takes a plane, she gets a
present. The two go hand in hand , you know.

Double Feature

I wasn't intending to post a second time in the same day, but I just cannot resist. These pictures fill my heart and remind me of the many blessings I have had. Tonight my sweet family spent a lot of time outside. Andrew and Maggie went to Target this morning to get a gift for a birthday party we were going to this afternoon. While there, they picked up some soil and seeds to try our hands at growing some flowers. Now, most know that I have a black thumb. Maybe Maggie's will be a bit greener!! Here she is potting her first plants...

We had such a fun time tonight. We played soccer, ran around the yard throwing the raquetball for Brandy,and watered the Allie tree. Maggie is fascinated by the Allie tree, and we talked all about it. It is growing like you wouldn't believe. We planted this tree on Allie's first birthday. It was a small little tree that needed lots of love. The first day...

We had a scare in the first year that we had it. We thought it died. It was looking sad, dry, and limp. But Frances, Andrew's mom, asked for the advice of the tree service man she works with at her company. As a favor to her, he came to our backyard to check it out. With tears in his eyes, he vowed not to let our tree die. He couldn't see that happen. Every fall and spring, the man sends a team of his workers to our backyard to treat our tree. Because of his kindness and generosity, the Allie tree is thriving. Here it is tonight...

I promise you this--whenever we move from this home, that tree is coming with us. I will make sure it is in the seller's clause, and uproot the tree to move to our new home. I feel peace and love when I look at this. I'm reminded of her each time I go in my backyard, and I feel her presence there with us as we play. Allie is always with us, just in a different way than what we expected. And our yard wouldn't be the same without it. Here we are with a little tree loving...

See what I mean? My heart just swells every time I look at these. Boy do I ever love my family.

Shots? No thank you, ma'am

I don't drink shots. It's not a good plan for me. Margaritas? Fine. A glass of wine now and then? Sure. But shots? No. Haven't had one since about 1998. But when five friends surround me and watch me with a shot in my hand, I go for it. And seriously, I don't think it was just a single one. At least a shot and a half, possibly the equivalent of two. But wait, someone didn't just order one round, but two (should I blame Jen or Amy?? Hmmm...I call foul on both). And margaritas. Not smart for Jenny Scott, I can tell you that for sure.

Because what happens when I do this? I drunk text another friends husband not realizing that it wasn't my own. And what did I drunk text? This is a family blog people. Saint--if I turn about four shades of red the next time I see you, just pretend like you don't notice. I'm so embarassed!!

I tend to not have me time often. Sounds like most mothers, right? I don't go out with friends but every once in a while. Last time was my birthday dinner in January. I have a lot of nights away from my family for work. My mom guilt doesn't let me to be away for things for myself. I don't think it is fair to ask that from my sweet husband. He never complains to have to care for Maggie on his own once a week or more so I can handle night meetings for Heroes for Children. But I can't take advantage of that. When we're in our busy time, it is like this every week. Two nights away is my maximum. So if I do two nights away for work, then I don't take time away for myself. Thus meaning I don't go out. Now, I'm not complaining. I love my job and I love the time I get to be with my family. But boy did I ever need last night! I needed to be with these great girls, re-energize, and relax. So much so that I was feeling it this morning!!

I needed this time with the girls. Needed to be with them and so glad I got my time with them. Love you gals!!

Testing send from my iPhone

Puppy Love

My big baby is SEVEN today? I can't believe it. Brandy is the best dog. She is sweet and gentle, hyper and fun.

She cracks me up with her sock fettish. Seriously, the dog LOVES her some socks. It doesn't matter--clean, dirty, colored, white. She is a sock hound through and through. At night, she will wander around the house with her mouth loaded with socks--as many as she can shove in there. But it upsets her. She knows that if she is caught with the wad o'socks, we would make her drop them. So, she works herself into a frenzy, pacing the house and whimpering. Gee, how do you think we find out that she is carrying the socks? She tells on herself!!

She's tolerant and sweet. She puts up with being treated as a jungle gym for Maggie, allowing her to tug her ears, grab her skin, and get in her face. She simply responds with sweet kisses all over the Munchie. I don't know that I have ever heard her growl (though she does grumble at us when we disturb her sleep).

There is no question that she is my dog. She follows me through the house and is my constant shadow. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. I adore that gorgeous sweet dog. Happy birthday to my baby!!

Lullabies for a Peaceful Rest

The night I brought Allie home from the hospital, I put a CD in my alarm clock/CD player to rock her to bed. I remember holding my newborn, my beautiful little gift, and gently rocking to the music. She listened to it every night. She spent three nights in the PICU without the CD before I sent someone to our home to get the CD player. That night, she slept much more peacefully.

The nurses came to love the soothing music. Several even went and purchased it to have for their own children. When the music would start in the evening, Allie's breathing would calm, her body would relax, and she would easily fall asleep. The night Allie died, we were surrounded by the sounds of the CD. It brought us comfort and peace to be with something Allie loved so much. When guests entered her memorial service, they immediately heard the sounds of Allie's lullaby CD.

I haven't listened to that CD much since her death. However, it has remained in it's same location, safely in my CD/alarm clock. The case is on Maggie's bookshelf (once Allie's), but the CD sits still in its place where it last played for Allie. When Maggie was born, I tried to play it for her. She likes silence to go to sleep. She doesn't want any noise whatsoever. So it was not for her.

Last night, when I was alone in bed, something drew my hand towards the play button. I don't know where the impulse came from,but I just had to hear those songs. I laid in the dark as the piano began to play "I Can Only Imagine." It was immediate. It took me back so quickly. Instead of being in my dark bedroom, I was immediately taken back to room 1203. I could hear the beeping of her IVs and the sounds of her pulse/ox monitor erroring because she was moving around too much.

I stayed in my bed and listened to the entire CD. I was surprised how I remembered all the words. It's been more than four years since I first listened to that CD. And yet, last night, it was like it was yesterday. Andrew was in the other room watching TV, so I was alone in the room with my thoughts. The entire time, I thought of my Allie. Her life, her legacy, and the loved ones she left behind. With the last few weeks being intense at work to have both Heroes and Handbags events in Dallas and Houston, Allie has been heavier on my heart than even normal days. Maybe it was the desire to be even closer to her last night that made me play the CD.

It wasn't until final song on the CD, my favorite of all of them, that I allowed the tears to flow. I can't tell you how many times I sang that song with Allie. I can't tell you how many times I comforted her pains by gently rocking with her to that music. But I can tell you that they all rushed back to me last night. I felt the weight of her body on my chest as if she was actually there. And all I wanted to do was gently place my face up against hers like I would when she was sick.

It might be a long time before I listen to the songs again. But between now and then, I know I will be thinking of my sweet girl many times.

Thank you Megan!!

Love the facelift? I do! Let's not pretend that I actually knew how to do it. I take no credit for this adorable header at the top. Thanks to my sweet friend Megan who not only has wicked talent and mad skills with design--did just have a baby less than three weeks ago. Can we say amazing?? Love you, Megan!!

Oh, and yes--those pictures would be from the coolest photographer I know.