Saturday, November 8, 2008

Our Daily Conversation

Maggie: What your daddy name, Mama?

Me: My daddy's name is Jerry Lawson.

Maggie: Lawson? Like my GaGa! Where your daddy?

Me: You know--where is my daddy?

Maggie: In Heaben with Allie. What he have?

Me: He had cancer.

Maggie: Like my Allie! She have Kemia. Allie my baby. Allie your baby?

Me: Yes, Allie is my baby. Just like you're my baby too.

Maggie: Oh no, I not a baby. I a big girl!!

Variations to the normal conversation:

Maggie: Allie was a real person?


Maggie: Allie in Heaben a rweally long time. She coming back now?

Me: No, honey, Allie will stay in Heaven.

Maggie: I go to Heaben to see her and your daddy?

Me, Andrew, everyone else: Not until you're an old lady.

And a tough conversation back in September--

Maggie: Mama, all babies go to HEABEN!!

Me: Oh, no, baby. Not all babies go to Heaven. We know lots of babies and they aren't going to go to Heaven.

Maggie: Oh, just MY baby go to Heaben?

Me--complete silence as my heart breaks just a bit.

Maggie: Oh, I not an old lady. I a little girl.


Sharon said...

Hi Jenny,
I started following Allie's story when you were on babycenter. Unfortunately, since that time I was diagnosed with CML and just recently lost our niece, Ali to AML. I kept looking at your Allie's website to see how it compared to our Ali's story. Needless, to say neither story had a happy ending. Just thought I'd check in since I haven't in a long time. Love your blog!


Hillary said...

I know this scenario too. We lost our second daughter, Natalie, to a drowning accident about 1 year ago. My oldest daughter, who is now 4, asks all the time when she gets to go to heaven to see Natalie. It breaks my heart everytime. It is hard fielding those questions and turning something as abstract as heaven into a tangible thought for a toddler.
These are questions that I know you must struggle with. I struggle with them terribly. Usually, after Emily and I are finished talking about Natalie and heaven, I have to escape to another room to cry for her loss and for mine.
I pray for you daily. I know what a struggle it is to lose a child. It is unfair. It is unnatural. But, I pray for you daily, knowing that it will help you do all the amazing things you do with HFC and it will help you raise sweet Maggie to know her sister as much as she can on this side of heaven.
Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot tell you how much it helped me after Natalie's accident, during our days in the hospital hoping for healing, and the grief and aftermath of her death.

emily said...

Ugh, heartbreaking. At three, my daughter said to me, "Mommy, when grandmas go to heaven, do they ever come back?" So hard to tell her no.